this week

its her birthday on Wednesday. I want to reach out and tell her how much i care, how much i love her yet i cant. All i can feel is pain, soul crushing hoplessness sadness and pain. I want to lay down some more burns and use the rock in the car on my head. I would have taken the crushed up pills by now if i new it would work, failure is the only thing keeping me from doing it. Its almost the 28th and i never thought i would still be alive at this point. I wish these feelings would all just end.
I should at the very least use the rock with glass on myself. Maybe end up back at the hospital but maybe i could use the break, maybe being locked up will give me some relief from this all.