today

So she isn't here today, that's a good thing, I do miss her but I cannot handle it when she is around. She will definitely be here tomorrow I am not sure if I will be able to stop myself from burning tomorrow. Right now I feel ok but that will change for sure. The last burn on my arm is still healing. It has taken longer than others as it was definitely deeper. Maybe I need to learn not to press so hard with the hot blade but sometimes I cant control it. I need to see my doctor just been to depressed and scared to make the appointment. I feel so alone, I wish I had someone I could sit and talk with, someone who knows me and who I can trust but most of all someone I am comfortable with. It gets lonely trapped with these thoughts and urges. I cannot help but think it would be just so much easier if I were dead.