tears

Am I the only one who gets tired of crying? It seems it can happen at anytime. Sitting at my desk at work, driving, making breakfast for the kids. The emotions come and then the tears. Sometimes a few sometimes a torrent. It must be part of the depression but it is so tiring crying every dam day. As a guy it makes me feel weak but I guess it is just the bodies way of dealing with the emotional mess. My arm is more tender than usual this week. Put a few extra deeper burns into it. I know the self harm is not helpful in the long run but it doesn't stop me doing it and wanting to do it again. I should probably eat today but I think I will just go out for a drive at lunchtime to get out the office. Maybe drink more coffee all though I probably have way too much caffeine each day. I look at it this way its a better drug to indulge in that most others so that has to be a positive. I wish I was sleeping right now, in fact I wish I could sleep and never wake up ever again. I pray at night sometimes for God to take me in my sleep and put me out of this misery. We wouldn't let a dog live like this so why do we make humans do it??? On the news this morning they talked about a student who died after being hit by a car and there was another story about a man who died last night in a stabbing. I always hear these stories on the news and wish it was me who died.