Today...I wish I did not feel all alone. But I am adjusting, I have always like to balance my life between being alone and being apart of a group of friends. Hey I have DID, so I am rally never reallly alone. So today is my big day at the doctors they will get together and tell me yah or nay whether it is cancer or not. I will go alone. But my daughter will show up I know her like the back of my hand. I told my older sons I would perfer them not to come no matter what the results are. I  am not up to the grandgirls this weekend. I need some quiet time. Yesterday, I found out that my mother is in stage 4 of renal failure no dialysis for her. She has decided, and the kids agree, it will take too much out of her. We are going to have a family gathering picture, with her in the center, the Nancy and I, my daughter and her husband, Earl, Brandon and the love of his life Camille. We have to do it very soon. Right now I feel I am living someone elses life, not my own. I don't want to live this life any more. Maybe I will not have too! Peace and love to all that reads this..... Altheia and Lilith