I wish I could say I am writing in better spirits, but it seems that my past is haunting me in a bad way these last few days. I realize that its because I believe we lost a wonderful person on DS (Snowbaby (Liz)).   I now am having flashbacks of my attack, I now am having nightmares, and am now crying at the drop of a hat.  I am not one to feel sorry for myself or to get down on myself.  This is why this is hard for me.  I haven't felt this awful in a very long time. Not about that situation anyway.  I block those thoughts out.  I mean, not one day has passed since December 9, 1997 that I have not thought about the night he almost succeeded in killing me..but I have been able to handle those thoughts..Just push them aside.  Not cry over it or talk about it or pity myself.  Just push it aside. Now I can't control it.  I may be leaving DS for a while to gather myself again.  I dont like the feeling that I am not in control of my thoughts. Its like they are just there...to crush my soul or something. Anyway, so many people have been so kind to me the last 2 days while I am going through this, I don't quite understand what is happening with me, but its nice to know there are people on this site who can relate and try to help me through.