It's now 5:15 am... My mind woke me up again today - this time at 4 am. Some day I hope to be able to sleep through the night without waking up and being miserable. I took one Benadryl tonight to see if that helped...I guess I needed two. Can't take one now - need to get up soon anyway. I made the mistake of calling my x last night...thank goodness he didn't answer. Here's what I don't understand...just one week ago (on his birthday) he called me up and wanted me to come and see him...so dumb me - I did. He then proceeds to tell me that he misses me and loves me. He tells me that he just wants me to move back in...I think he was a bit hasty in these comments. I wasn't ready to hear all that. I just wanted to say happy birthday. Then something possessed me to look on his cell phone..I then saw text message conversations from that very same day with him and another woman. Instead of saying anything at all, I just walked out the door..he didn't even know I left. I then proceeded to call his sisters and tell them because the woman he was talking to is married to his brother-in-law. I called her repeatedly also - of course she would not answer. I left several nasty messages. I haven't talked to him since..somehow I am the bad person..I looked at his text messages and then I called around and told people. I guess maybe that was wrong? Oh well, I found out exactly what I needed to know, so I don't regret a thing. Tell me now, why on earth do I miss him?? Something is seriously wrong with me. Why do I constantly go back to the people who hurt me the most? Will this cycle ever end?
Replies
I hear ya. I\'m up, but that\'s only because I work a second full time job to make ends meat. This is due to my divorce. I struggled with my x also. It\'s only been a month that I\'ve been out of my house, and another man\'s already moved in. Not just any man, but a long time gradeschool friend that was once married to HER SISTER. Both families have kids. Crazy!!
I miss her and do want her back. The cycle will end, I just don\'t know when. Habits are hard to break, habits such as loving and wanting that person you\'ve been married to for 9 years. Hang in there!!
You are not a bad person. You are tried to make sense of all of the different emotions you are feeling. There are days I feel like my head will pop off because it\'s spinning so much. The good thing about all this, you said it yourself, you found out exactly what you needed to know. As hard as it\'s going to be, you can start to move forward in a positive direction. Hang in there! We are all here for you.
Well...maybe you go back to them,because you love them!!!thats what we do!!! even though its not right!!! Im so sorry for everything you are going thru..i know its hard...im there 2!!! if you need a friend remember...here i am!!!