After bouts of severe anxiety/depression in the last year I have gained quite a bit of weight on my already large body. I feel absolutely terrible about it. I don't even know how it happened and I'm having the hardest time getting the weight off. This is the most I have ever weighed in my life by 30 pounds. I'm absolutely embarrassed and ashamed of myself. It's so hard to deal with. I can't help but think about the body I had 3 years ago. It was the most fit body I've ever had and the lightest I had weighed since I was in junior high. But in that body, I was the most depressed I had ever been. I wanted to die. I self-harmed very frequently and I was spiraling out of control. I've mostly healed from self-harm and I think in the process I may have self-medicated with food. I have difficulties talking to my therapist about deep issues even though I know that's what she's there for. I just don't understand why my body was so much better when I was so sad and why I'm so out of shape when I'm in the best state of mind that I've ever been in.