Thanksgiving
Well today is my Thanksgiving and I am trying to get in the mood for it and doing horribly. I had nightmares all night about fighting with youngest son. He won't fill out his job applications and it is a condition for him to live in the house. I do not want to kick him out, where would he go? But he pushes us and pushes us about the rules. He stopped going to church with me. Announced he doesn't have to any more. Well where does it say that? He stays up all night. He knows I hate that. He refused to help with the Christmas decorations. That however is not unusual.
Thanksgiving was so hard being stuck with him all day and nothing to do. Ended up doing a Star Wars marathon. I am not much of a Star Wars fan. No place to go and could have watched him play Destiny all day. Of course made middle son upset that we watched without him. Sigh. His wife doesn't like the movies and didn't want to make her sit through 7 hours of them. And still have 7 hours to go.
I hate that I tried to be the good person and sent my other boys to their in laws. This was the first year for them choosing who to go to and I told them to go and we would do Saturday, but then I regreted being so sacrificing. Of course when it all started we were supposed to be going to a potluck with my one daughter in law's family so we would have a Thanksgiving. Instead ended up home alone. Of course yesterday I was so upset about it I told middle son I was. He said well it was my own fault for saying it was just a day and could do it Saturday. I told him I know, but thought we had some place to go on Thanksgiving. Wanted to know what happened to the potluck, but he said he didn't know just got told we weren't doing it.
So said well next year was my year and he looked at me and said, but you said it was just a day and didn't matter. So I said that means I never get Thanksgiving and he hesitated and didn't really answer. So may have screwed myself over for life. Wonderful. Wouldn't suprise me as I am good at making people dislike me if I ask for what I want. HB says it is my "tone" . Kids complain about "tone" too. I try to sound calm and reasonable and they tell me they hate that voice. I always ask them if they would rather I scream at them. They say no, bu don't use "that" voice. I just don't know how to ask for anything I want or need without people hating me.
Tried to talk to oldest on facebook yesterday. Only answered twice. Invited them to a movie and got no response, then asked what time they were coming up today and got nothing. Hurts me so so much when he doesn't respond to questions. Know I will have to ask him in person and hear him refuse the movie as he has for the last 6 months. That will be worse.
Scared I will end up crying today as feel so fragile. The holidays have never been a good time of year for me. Now with the tug of other families on my children and them living elsewhere it is so much worse. Better go start cooking. Bah Humbug.
Thanksgiving was so hard being stuck with him all day and nothing to do. Ended up doing a Star Wars marathon. I am not much of a Star Wars fan. No place to go and could have watched him play Destiny all day. Of course made middle son upset that we watched without him. Sigh. His wife doesn't like the movies and didn't want to make her sit through 7 hours of them. And still have 7 hours to go.
I hate that I tried to be the good person and sent my other boys to their in laws. This was the first year for them choosing who to go to and I told them to go and we would do Saturday, but then I regreted being so sacrificing. Of course when it all started we were supposed to be going to a potluck with my one daughter in law's family so we would have a Thanksgiving. Instead ended up home alone. Of course yesterday I was so upset about it I told middle son I was. He said well it was my own fault for saying it was just a day and could do it Saturday. I told him I know, but thought we had some place to go on Thanksgiving. Wanted to know what happened to the potluck, but he said he didn't know just got told we weren't doing it.
So said well next year was my year and he looked at me and said, but you said it was just a day and didn't matter. So I said that means I never get Thanksgiving and he hesitated and didn't really answer. So may have screwed myself over for life. Wonderful. Wouldn't suprise me as I am good at making people dislike me if I ask for what I want. HB says it is my "tone" . Kids complain about "tone" too. I try to sound calm and reasonable and they tell me they hate that voice. I always ask them if they would rather I scream at them. They say no, bu don't use "that" voice. I just don't know how to ask for anything I want or need without people hating me.
Tried to talk to oldest on facebook yesterday. Only answered twice. Invited them to a movie and got no response, then asked what time they were coming up today and got nothing. Hurts me so so much when he doesn't respond to questions. Know I will have to ask him in person and hear him refuse the movie as he has for the last 6 months. That will be worse.
Scared I will end up crying today as feel so fragile. The holidays have never been a good time of year for me. Now with the tug of other families on my children and them living elsewhere it is so much worse. Better go start cooking. Bah Humbug.
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