Lonely
I am reading this book about 4 best friends that grew up together and started a business together and when one of their lives goes south they all pull together. She calls one and the rest come running. They all cry together, the feed her soup and hold her hand. They sit with her until she falls asleep.
All I can think is I have no one. No one who would come if I called. No one who would drop what they were doing and run to me. In the book her mom comes by and cries with her as the friends call her too. My mom wouldn't budge for me either.
Didn't have a good day yesterday. Ruined two batches of bread. I hate to cook and these stupid things take 6 hours to make. Through the firs tone away without cooking it as it didn't turn out. The second didn't either, but cooked it as one of my kids wanted me to. Had so much to do yesterday. Didn't get it all done. Was exhausted from the weekend.
Friday night went dancing with my husband and two oldest and their ladies. Had just the best time, but meant leg cramps and getting up all night to pee as I drank so much water trying not to die from the exercise. Maybe 4 hours of sleep. Then hockey Saturday night. Had free tickets and lost them. Had promised to take youngest and get girlfriend so had to go and buy tickets for 6 people. Of course found the tickets on the way home in the car. Felt so old and stupid. Out late again taking home girlfriend and son and wife who came along. Up with the sun like always so maybe 4 hours of sleep again.
Youngest walked up with a job application Sunday and asked me to help him fill it out. Highlight of my day. Finished up what I was doing and went to help him and got snapped at and ignored. Asked if he didn't want to fill it out right now and he wouldn't even speak to me. No idea what I did. Just about died. Ran out of the room and my husband follows going what is wrong, what is wrong. Told him and he is like ok so...
He doesn't understand the way the blowing hot and cold of my youngest devastates me. I get all happy and excited to see my son, the one I raised and know and then suddenly he is back to hating me and not speaking to me and I never know the reason and it leaves me just devastated. Then the stupid bread, burnt a batch of fudge, asked the husband to help clean and he just sat down and played video games. So I start cleaning the tub in his bathroom and he wants to do it. It is really disgusting and I tell him no I am going to as wanted the ring around it gone for a change. He goes to clean my bathroom and I ask him later if he cleaned the tub, nope.
Then sit down for a few minute break while he fixes supper and he keeps playing on his computer and diddling once in a while in the kitchen. Tell him he isn't going to be done. He says nothing needs done yet. So I spend 45 minutes in the kitchen helping him and we still ate 30 minutes late as it wasn't done.
There is more to the story, but not stuff I can talk to anyone about even online. I find I can't share my most personal stuff with anyone, not even a website. I wish I was like those people in the book.
Overall heartache. In the end came to regret the dancing so much. Had such a good time, but had to pay for it. Talked about going again and not sure I want to because of untalked about issues. I wish I had a girlfriend. A real one, but it is just a book. And a Cinderella one at that. Real life doesn't have happily ever afters.
All I can think is I have no one. No one who would come if I called. No one who would drop what they were doing and run to me. In the book her mom comes by and cries with her as the friends call her too. My mom wouldn't budge for me either.
Didn't have a good day yesterday. Ruined two batches of bread. I hate to cook and these stupid things take 6 hours to make. Through the firs tone away without cooking it as it didn't turn out. The second didn't either, but cooked it as one of my kids wanted me to. Had so much to do yesterday. Didn't get it all done. Was exhausted from the weekend.
Friday night went dancing with my husband and two oldest and their ladies. Had just the best time, but meant leg cramps and getting up all night to pee as I drank so much water trying not to die from the exercise. Maybe 4 hours of sleep. Then hockey Saturday night. Had free tickets and lost them. Had promised to take youngest and get girlfriend so had to go and buy tickets for 6 people. Of course found the tickets on the way home in the car. Felt so old and stupid. Out late again taking home girlfriend and son and wife who came along. Up with the sun like always so maybe 4 hours of sleep again.
Youngest walked up with a job application Sunday and asked me to help him fill it out. Highlight of my day. Finished up what I was doing and went to help him and got snapped at and ignored. Asked if he didn't want to fill it out right now and he wouldn't even speak to me. No idea what I did. Just about died. Ran out of the room and my husband follows going what is wrong, what is wrong. Told him and he is like ok so...
He doesn't understand the way the blowing hot and cold of my youngest devastates me. I get all happy and excited to see my son, the one I raised and know and then suddenly he is back to hating me and not speaking to me and I never know the reason and it leaves me just devastated. Then the stupid bread, burnt a batch of fudge, asked the husband to help clean and he just sat down and played video games. So I start cleaning the tub in his bathroom and he wants to do it. It is really disgusting and I tell him no I am going to as wanted the ring around it gone for a change. He goes to clean my bathroom and I ask him later if he cleaned the tub, nope.
Then sit down for a few minute break while he fixes supper and he keeps playing on his computer and diddling once in a while in the kitchen. Tell him he isn't going to be done. He says nothing needs done yet. So I spend 45 minutes in the kitchen helping him and we still ate 30 minutes late as it wasn't done.
There is more to the story, but not stuff I can talk to anyone about even online. I find I can't share my most personal stuff with anyone, not even a website. I wish I was like those people in the book.
Overall heartache. In the end came to regret the dancing so much. Had such a good time, but had to pay for it. Talked about going again and not sure I want to because of untalked about issues. I wish I had a girlfriend. A real one, but it is just a book. And a Cinderella one at that. Real life doesn't have happily ever afters.
Replies
Sorry the last few days have been so crappy for you :\'-( I know how you feel about friends. I have a neighbor that posts tons of pictures on fb of her and her friends and all the fun things they do. And I\'m like, really? I can\'t get one person to do anything with me. One friend will get together with me for a pop about every three months. She does yard saling and thrift store shopping with another friend, but I guess I\'m just the \'pop\' friend. Another person I was sort of close with said something on fb about people getting what they deserve when they have made bad choices in life and have no right to complain. I didn\'t say anything, but it hurt me terribly as I was going through a really bad depression. It just sort of killed the friendship for me. It sucks to be so lonely, I understand.
that sounds like a nice book .. but it is a book ..in all my experance I have only knowen my sister to have a friendship like that with two sisters ...from grade one on ....and they are still close today but live far apart ......i am very sad and sorry to here that your mother wouldent come to you when you most need her ......I did have a loving mother .....I want you to know that I am here and ready to be your friend when ever you need me you just have to mesage me ..................we have one thing in common I hate cooking to ..lol ....very sorry about the bread not turning out that was a lot of work .....I don\'t think I ever get everything I want to do done ....I realy have to push my self ....maby you need to get a little rest the work isent going aneyware .....so happy you had fun Friday .....dancing with the family that is somthing I use to like ...I like weddings ....we all get on the dance floor and dance together ....I hope you enjoyed the game ......................................................................................................................that is so hard to take when your children treat you like that .....your husband doesent understand because he doesent understand drepershion ....under normal cercomestances ....this behaviour would be upsetting ...but being depressed it is devastating ............and your son won\'t understand it Eather .....I had a problem with my daughter ......she wanted us to go on her side ....against our son ..and we told her you are both our children we can and would not chouise between our children and that you are all old enough to take care of your self ......later she galed back yelling telling me we were out of her life for good and we could not see the grand children any more ..............................I tried talking to her ........any way ....I just took a dive it was like walking off a clif ...into depreshion ......that is what started this depreshion .......that lasted for 2 years .....this is going on ..I can\'t rember on over 10 years ..but if I told her that what she did sent me that far into depreshion she would not belive me .......but I understand only to well how much ..our children can hurt us even if they don\'t mean to hurt us like that ........try to understand ...they don\'t want you to hurt like that ........they don\'t know they can hurt you that much ...........people who have not experanced depreshion have no idea what we go through ......they have to be educated on it ........and still it is hard for them to grasp ........some how I can\'t see him changing ....about the bathroom cleaning ....you are just going to have go behind him ....lol .....you have to chouse your battles ...lol ..but I can imagin it is frustrating ....we are retired now ...and he thinks I schould make him supper and he doesent have to help any more ....he was the one who decided he would do the meat ...and I had to give him a job because he couldent keep his noise out of the kitchen .....so today ....he doesent get anything out for supper and he dident want lunch so I was getting hungry ....and he was on the computer ..I told him I was having Kraft diner I couldent weaight all day to eat ...we are dibetic ....so he dident want that so he had came stewed and fried ham he fried ....and he tried to complain ...I said no complaining you can\'t chang the round when ever you feel like it ...if you are changing them you have to let me know well a head of time .......there are happily aver afters in real life ...my mother ..had a happly ever after life ..........and even though I have to fight depreshion I am living a happlyeverafter life with mt h .......doesent mean there aren\'t some bumps along the way just that you are with the right people .......and I have never let many people get close to me so I have 4 friends and I don\'t see them very often .....but we are very close ........and I have also come to learn than you can make a good frend in here ...if you both want it ..........so .....I am here ...if you want a frend ....willing to shair ..as I have in this post ....if you find you want to talk ...just send me a mesage and it will stay. there ........I hope you feel better .......take care of your self ......God bless ..