Done
So after trying to stay positive for a week and be thankful all I am is grumpy and depressed. Trying to make everything sound rosy when it isn't does not help.
I finished writing my annual Christmas letter and I just want to throw up. I painted the lovely picture of this overly happy family, with vacation pictures and wedding pictures and faces full of smiles.
Nothing about the youngest child who hates me and sits in my house refusing to look for work and told me again today if we kick him out he will either lay down in a gutter and die or he will turn to crime and start robbing people, the girl he is dating who claims to have multiple personalities and lies constantly to get attention, the depression of my oldest son as his fiancé's family rejects him and his fiancé plans to spend Christmas with them without him, his worries he isn't good enough and fear he is going to lose the girl he loves. Nothing about my ADHD son and the ongoing mood swings and embarrassing behavior. Nothing about my husband and I fighting or how we ignore each other as much as possible.....
I get so sick of pretending I am happy all the time. This is the one place I can write what I feel and I think after a week of pretending to be happy on here I think I am going to go back to using this place to vent and scream and cry. I sure don't need one more place full of fake smiles. I do that enough.
I finished writing my annual Christmas letter and I just want to throw up. I painted the lovely picture of this overly happy family, with vacation pictures and wedding pictures and faces full of smiles.
Nothing about the youngest child who hates me and sits in my house refusing to look for work and told me again today if we kick him out he will either lay down in a gutter and die or he will turn to crime and start robbing people, the girl he is dating who claims to have multiple personalities and lies constantly to get attention, the depression of my oldest son as his fiancé's family rejects him and his fiancé plans to spend Christmas with them without him, his worries he isn't good enough and fear he is going to lose the girl he loves. Nothing about my ADHD son and the ongoing mood swings and embarrassing behavior. Nothing about my husband and I fighting or how we ignore each other as much as possible.....
I get so sick of pretending I am happy all the time. This is the one place I can write what I feel and I think after a week of pretending to be happy on here I think I am going to go back to using this place to vent and scream and cry. I sure don't need one more place full of fake smiles. I do that enough.
Replies
I know what you mean. The rest of the world gets to see the face we put forward. THIS place is where you can feel comfortable to feel what you want. That\'s what I use my blog for too. Have you ever thought about blogging? It\'s a great release; but I guess that\'s kind of what you are doing here :)
good I think this is one place you schould be your self get everything out and maby you can even work out some thinges in here ....I apoligise for not being here for you .....but I want to be so I want you to know that I am only a mesage away ...and I am riting in my jurnal to if you would like to get to know me ....I will keep you in my prayers ....take good care of your self .....God bless
It is really hard to be depressed and smile when you don\'t feel like it. I have to do it all the time. It\'s almost become a habit. PLEASE message me if you ever want to vent and talk about what you are going through. I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs GB