Day 2
Yesterday was hard. My son did not tell me good bye when I left for work. I did not force the issue just walked away and cried all the way to work. Major crying jag headache all day.
Came home and he did not say hello to me so I did not talk to him either. He commented once or twice in conversations, but that was it. Debated sending him links to job apps then decided I wasn't up to another full on fight so didn't. Didn't ask him to clean up his mess on the floor either, although did make him get his dishes out of the sink, I didn't do them for him.
Got a msg about inviting his girlfriend to an activity this weekend and told them, honestly, that it was her dad's turn, so invite him instead. Before might have checked with the dad to see if he was coming and then got the girlfriend invited.
Baby steps I know, but trying to pull away. Doing laundry today and will NOT go in his room and get any clothes or remind him to bring them down. Debating what to do with dinner as I usually go buy something on Thursdays. Do I get him something or just me? Biggest problem there is I usually get my husband something and leave it in the frig so would definitely be a slap in his face if I don't pick him up something. Maybe will just eat at home instead. I go to work at 4pm so can just make myself a sandwich and he can fend for himself.
Wonder if he will tell me good bye before he goes to school or just walk away. More tears to come.
Came home and he did not say hello to me so I did not talk to him either. He commented once or twice in conversations, but that was it. Debated sending him links to job apps then decided I wasn't up to another full on fight so didn't. Didn't ask him to clean up his mess on the floor either, although did make him get his dishes out of the sink, I didn't do them for him.
Got a msg about inviting his girlfriend to an activity this weekend and told them, honestly, that it was her dad's turn, so invite him instead. Before might have checked with the dad to see if he was coming and then got the girlfriend invited.
Baby steps I know, but trying to pull away. Doing laundry today and will NOT go in his room and get any clothes or remind him to bring them down. Debating what to do with dinner as I usually go buy something on Thursdays. Do I get him something or just me? Biggest problem there is I usually get my husband something and leave it in the frig so would definitely be a slap in his face if I don't pick him up something. Maybe will just eat at home instead. I go to work at 4pm so can just make myself a sandwich and he can fend for himself.
Wonder if he will tell me good bye before he goes to school or just walk away. More tears to come.
Replies
You have a somewhat common problem in dealing with what you have at hand. What does his Dad have to say about all this. Without knowing if your son may have other issues, it sure sounds like a bad case of laziness and you enabling him. To put it bluntly, until he finds his ass out on the streets, you will have your hands full. Almost sounds as if there is another issue or habit he is hiding.
I know what it is like to be ignored by a child living at home. Mine has Asperger\'s and doesn\'t get all the little things in life. What used to be a night is now nothing. What used to be a later when I drop him off is barely a grunt. It\'s hard when they don\'t talk to you. You are doing the right thing by making him do his own things. You are not his slave. He needs to earn the right to continue living in that house. Hang in there
Thanks so much. He is up and grunted at me when I tried to talk to him. Not starting out staying away from him like I meant to. Morning hi, hug something...nothing there. My husband as far as I know does nothing. I have asked him to talk to our son multiple times, but he only has once I think. He always says he didn\'t have the chance even though they frequently spend time alone together when I am working. We had him in therapy for depression, but he quit as soon as he turned 18.
not much you can do once they become legal adults. but there is always the idea that you can throw them out of your house because they are legal age. might need to ask your son if he is ready for that responsibility. I know mine isn\'t and he does what he needs to do to stay at home including chores
I feel your rejection and discouragement! And it sounds like you are doing it alone. So good that you are sharing on this forum but I am wondering if there is a \"tough love\" support group or something for you locally as it would be nice for you to have that support from other parents who are trying to set those boundaries also. Hugs to you
I know it\'s hard but it sounds like you are taking steps in the right direction by stepping back and not doing stuff for him. To be treated so badly when you are doing all you can for him is just wrong. Sorry your husband is not more involved in the process. Stand your ground and let him fend for himself and hopefully it will make a difference.