Catching Up
Don't even know where to start. I have worked so many hours in the last 3 weeks I haven't had time to think. Now life is slowing down again. I got to spend the weekend with my family and once again I am sliding into depression.
I hate my job. I am thinking about quitting and my family wants me to, but that much more time on my hands to sit around and mope and think of all my failures...I just don't know.
Had fought with my husband again over not getting me any dinner. He stopped and picked up take out for supper and got me nothing. That was so hurtful.
My youngest went through a really bad patch and failed his math final. Teacher is going to let him pass the class, but there was much upset and several calls and visits to the counciling office. The therapist he is seeing won't be seeing him for 2 weeks as she gave him the option to take a week off. Umm why? He doesn't want to see her anyway of course if given the choice he will skip a week. He has only seen her 3 times I don't know why they would take a week off. And now I am being told by him his grades are fine and he doesn't know what my problem is. It was just math he was struggling with and we have now dropped him out of the course so I should lay off.
My middle son works for my company and has been working a lot too. He is tired and crabby. His tantrums have doubled and last night he slapped me. I know he didn't think he hit hard, but he did. I had a headache for hours. He was upset as I didn't tell him how nice his new clothes were. He of course made it all about him and how we don't pay any attention to him anymore. I want him out of the house at this point. He is supposed to leave in 3 months. He has been getting worse and worse. I love his finace and am worried about her. He treats her terribly. Yelling at her and making her do stuff for him all the time. He is rough with her too. He has never gotten used to his size and he likes to push, wrestle and smack at you, but at 5' 10" and about 220lbs he hurts people. Tried to talk to him about it last night, but as usual just you don't really love me is all I got.
After he left to take his girl home Joey laid into me about being too hard on my new people at work. Says I always bash on them. I do have 3 this year, which is half my staff. I know one person that is true as they are not catching on and have severely upset 2 clients who say they will never be back. But I did not think I had the other two. Asked him and he said no not really. Asked him about the one I had last year and he said no not really, but that I am just always too hard on the new people. I went to bed so puzzled and hurt as nothing he said made sense to me. I know he thinks I am too negative all the time and have ruined his life with my hating on stuff, but of the 4 new people in the last two years I have only really critized one so how is that so bad?
My office has been severely down in business the last week too. We are about to go negative of last year's numbers which means I will get no bonus this year. No idea what is wrong we were busy and it just died on Wed.
Just not feeling positive about anything today. Maybe being on here a bit more now that I won't be working so much will help, but I don't know. I hate feeling sad all the time and that no one likes me and I am a horrible person, but I am back to that yet again. Guess that is what spending time with my family does to me. I want to be with them, but they seem to hate me.
I hate my job. I am thinking about quitting and my family wants me to, but that much more time on my hands to sit around and mope and think of all my failures...I just don't know.
Had fought with my husband again over not getting me any dinner. He stopped and picked up take out for supper and got me nothing. That was so hurtful.
My youngest went through a really bad patch and failed his math final. Teacher is going to let him pass the class, but there was much upset and several calls and visits to the counciling office. The therapist he is seeing won't be seeing him for 2 weeks as she gave him the option to take a week off. Umm why? He doesn't want to see her anyway of course if given the choice he will skip a week. He has only seen her 3 times I don't know why they would take a week off. And now I am being told by him his grades are fine and he doesn't know what my problem is. It was just math he was struggling with and we have now dropped him out of the course so I should lay off.
My middle son works for my company and has been working a lot too. He is tired and crabby. His tantrums have doubled and last night he slapped me. I know he didn't think he hit hard, but he did. I had a headache for hours. He was upset as I didn't tell him how nice his new clothes were. He of course made it all about him and how we don't pay any attention to him anymore. I want him out of the house at this point. He is supposed to leave in 3 months. He has been getting worse and worse. I love his finace and am worried about her. He treats her terribly. Yelling at her and making her do stuff for him all the time. He is rough with her too. He has never gotten used to his size and he likes to push, wrestle and smack at you, but at 5' 10" and about 220lbs he hurts people. Tried to talk to him about it last night, but as usual just you don't really love me is all I got.
After he left to take his girl home Joey laid into me about being too hard on my new people at work. Says I always bash on them. I do have 3 this year, which is half my staff. I know one person that is true as they are not catching on and have severely upset 2 clients who say they will never be back. But I did not think I had the other two. Asked him and he said no not really. Asked him about the one I had last year and he said no not really, but that I am just always too hard on the new people. I went to bed so puzzled and hurt as nothing he said made sense to me. I know he thinks I am too negative all the time and have ruined his life with my hating on stuff, but of the 4 new people in the last two years I have only really critized one so how is that so bad?
My office has been severely down in business the last week too. We are about to go negative of last year's numbers which means I will get no bonus this year. No idea what is wrong we were busy and it just died on Wed.
Just not feeling positive about anything today. Maybe being on here a bit more now that I won't be working so much will help, but I don't know. I hate feeling sad all the time and that no one likes me and I am a horrible person, but I am back to that yet again. Guess that is what spending time with my family does to me. I want to be with them, but they seem to hate me.
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