Christmas
So it is Christmas Eve. I had a huge crying bout yesterday over my son not wanting to be with me. I asked him what he would like to do and then what he wanted me to do. He looked at me and said "I don't care what you do." Felt like he drove a knife through my heart.
I tried to talk to my oldest son online yesterday as well. He was talking to some other people as well and I knew that, but just wanted to chat. He replied a few times then just stopped responding. I waited half an hour then went to bed. I looked this morning and he stopped checking my messages at all. He was talking to my youngest son so I looked to see what time they stopped it was midnight. That is when he finally looked at my message too. He just ignored me for 2 hours without even reading what I wrote and of course when he did see it he still didn't reply.
I am so alone. No one to talk to. I have posted on here 3 times asking for advice or just someone to listen in the last two days and I have had one reply on one of the posts. I guess everyone is busy having a happy holiday. I think there is nothing sadder than posting on a place like this seeking help, seeking comfort, advice, friendship, mostly just not to be alone and looking back at your post and seeing a big fat 0 in the reply column.
This is the second site I have tried and I think this is just making me more depressed. I can't even make friends online. How is this helping? I feel more isolated than I did before. I guess my problems are petty and unimportant. Actually I know that to be true, but for me they feel like the weight of the world. I have trouble getting up in the mornings. I have no energy. I see no purpose or future to my life. No reason to keep trying.
Merry Christmas to me.
I tried to talk to my oldest son online yesterday as well. He was talking to some other people as well and I knew that, but just wanted to chat. He replied a few times then just stopped responding. I waited half an hour then went to bed. I looked this morning and he stopped checking my messages at all. He was talking to my youngest son so I looked to see what time they stopped it was midnight. That is when he finally looked at my message too. He just ignored me for 2 hours without even reading what I wrote and of course when he did see it he still didn't reply.
I am so alone. No one to talk to. I have posted on here 3 times asking for advice or just someone to listen in the last two days and I have had one reply on one of the posts. I guess everyone is busy having a happy holiday. I think there is nothing sadder than posting on a place like this seeking help, seeking comfort, advice, friendship, mostly just not to be alone and looking back at your post and seeing a big fat 0 in the reply column.
This is the second site I have tried and I think this is just making me more depressed. I can't even make friends online. How is this helping? I feel more isolated than I did before. I guess my problems are petty and unimportant. Actually I know that to be true, but for me they feel like the weight of the world. I have trouble getting up in the mornings. I have no energy. I see no purpose or future to my life. No reason to keep trying.
Merry Christmas to me.
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