Back, again!

Here I am, having tried to live without acknowledging, Francine, the woman who lives in me, and is dying to have her own say! On the outside, I look very male, no female features there, save for, maybe eyelashes! Thanks, Mother! Inside, I absilutely wish I had been born female. Having been molested by my sister left me feeling weak, co-dependent and useles as a male. The only time I felt like I had any power was when I "acted" like I was female. I have "died" a thousand deaths, wanting desperately to be :one of the girls", only to be rejected due to being male! For may reasons, I choose not to have surgery, but mostly, because I know I wouldn't be drop-dead gorgeous! Kinda self-indulgent, I know. When I look in the mirror, all I see is a gorrila-in-a-dress! no, I've suffered enough humilitation for two lifetimes! No thanks, I want no more. I know that the standards for beauty are set by physically attractive women, not men, and I just don't measure up! Besides, isn't it my soul that counts more, not my body! I know I have a strongly developed female spirit inside of me! I also have just enough tragic and painful sexual experiences, to make sex a major issue for me! it scares me that the slightest touch or look can send me reeling back in time where fear rules and I feel like I am suffocating. So, I avoid sex altogether. And, yes, it is quite lonely, having to avoid romance. God, help me! It's a bitch to fear going back into hiding, while also being too afraid to come out of hiding! Fear or no fear, hiding makes me want to die! So ready not, hear I come! I'm coming out!