Hey, guys, I'm back. I was in school for seven months , and it was very hectic.I did good until the end and failed one certification test(which I can retake), but felt I was a total failure, which left me feeling very suicidal.I feel as f I am on a tight wire and once false move and I'll fall of to my doom.I've developed an eating disorder-I eat only once a day . Being diabetic and on insulin, I realize it could be dangerously unhealthy, but most days I just don't feel hungry. As a matter of fact, it is quite easy to go twelve hours or more without consumming anything but decaf coffee or water.I still find it hard to accept my sexual identity(I'm bisexual). In order to cope, I avoid all sexual/romantic relationships altogether. I've become quite good at isolating myself, only going out to medical or therapy appointments, shopping or to do laundry. i am 51 years old, divorced with six children, 4 of which still live at home-they're all teenagers. It is often easier to put my needs aside and focus on them.I live with so much fear and anxiety that I couldn't enjoy an intimate relationship with someone if I wanted to. My therapist suggeted that I find support resources and utilitize them. My little "world", which is disintegrating more each day, is so dark and dreary; I can't get rid of he images of physical, sexual, and emotional abuse out of my head. I'm so serious that I have a difficult time telling when someone is joking with me. Other times my anxiety is so severe that my chest feels like it is being squeezed in a vise and I 'm going to die; or I get so dizzy that i lose all sense of direction and for a moment the streets change to a point that I feel lost. It is those times that I wish I'd just go crazy and get it over with. It's like I'm constantly being pushed into insanity one second , then pulled back into sanity the next. I try my best to keepmy head above water, but the temptation to just drown is quite strong. But I'll keep trying.