Big Decision today.  I'm not interacting with mother anymore socially.  I am a mess after.  I feel miserable.  Just like when I was a teenager and I had my hand on the car door almost ready to jump out of the car on the freeway to get away from her.  Hey, I'm sick.  It's not good for me to be that miserable.  And I'm not going to pretend it's fine, or cover for her anymore either.  I'm not going to cover for me either.  This is just as much about my inability to stay sane when she so much as looks at me wrong (although it's usually a sneer).  So I miss out on what I miss out on.  All in all - it is healthier for me and she will be fine.  She doesn't like me anyway. SO ...I hurt this morning, took a vicodin.  Did okay in church, long lunch with JoLinn, walked Lucy.  Okay until about three.  Migraine that might have started last night, maybe was there during church, finally said, "Stop pretending" so I took and imitrex, and another vicodin. It is 4:30 and I actually feel a bit of a buzz - which means my tolerance is going down.  I should be able to start taking halves again. 8/22 valium, two and half vicodin