Church choir was unbelievable - she singled me out before the anthem and would not start until I was standing where she wanted me.  COULD WE NOT have had a little instruction on where to stand before?  I was shaking.  I cried (it was humiliating - I can't seem to control the emotions)  I looked fine during the anthem.  I think I hid the tears but I had to have a kleenex to blow my nose.  I was still shaking in the middle of lunch when I had the presence of mind to take a valium.  So far no migraine.  When I got home.  I walked Lucy and then worked in the garden for therapy.  What peace.  Peyton came to help.  A conversation with an eight year old is good therapy too.   I may go ahead and write the memoir.  I feel a strong pull toward it now.  Now that it has a spiritual element.  I need a spiritual director to help me.  I am not my body, I am not my mind, I am not my emotions....I am the one who has a body mind and emotions.  Behind the machinery my soul is the part that never changes.  The constant me -  8/2 three vicodin two valium (HIGHLY agitated)