Today I went until noon without pain meds.  Then it was bad.  Took one at noon and one at four, and I have to go to dad's so...I'm not even trying 1/2 anymore.  I think this last fiasco increased my pain meds rather than decreased it. 7/14 two vicodin I tried to get out of a second mammogram but the radiologist says I have to come.  Something in my right breast.  Crap.  I honestly have NO fear at all - I am sure it is nothing.  Strange for me.  When one mark on my skin a month ago had me visualizing death and the specific logistics of the lead up.  BP sucks. Out of the blue - and I have been blue, as well as obsessive about my dad using his walker - I told my dad today that it hurts my feelings when he says we had a great relationship until I turned eleven, and "then all hell broke loose"...what the hell?  Why did I do that?  He turned around when I told him he was handsome (Mary was combing his hair) and said - I have a good kind heart too.  Making out like me saying he is handsome hurts him.  I want to cancel going to dinner at his house.  But I guess I won't.