Made it yesterday without any vicodin.  My neck back and hips hurt but I made it.  I don't even take advil or any of the other over the counter stuff because they don't make a dent in the pain.   Anyway, I teach tonight so that's a good distraction.  My neck is very stiff. The antibiotics and Valcyte must be doing the right things becasue my lymph nodes in front and under my ears/jaw aren't swollen anymore.  It's a nice break from that pain.  a permanent break?  wound't that be good? I may stop getting the newspaper.  The election coverage is making me crazy again.  I didn't listen to Bush for four years.  I can go without listening to the election coverage.  If I'm not going to actively campaign - why do it?  I know how I'm going to votebased on my personal experience in D.C.   I don't need other people's opinions when I have first hand experience.   Halliburton needs to be escorted out of the white house.  I think about how good departments were disassembled, people forced to retire, the red/yellow/green light system administered to punish anyone who disagreed....it was enough to make anyone sick.  When I refused to assimilate they crucified my character, my intention....really negative vitriolic mean people.  Only the strong survive.  The compassionate are slaughtered.  God it's depressing.  Yesterday I was thinking about how I have to find a reason to live almost every day.  I don't enjoy life - not really.  I can't go in the sun.  I'm in pain.  Now I have energy...but to do what?  I took on teaching this course to give me something to do.  And it does.  But I can't get too excited because I get dive bombed by the micromanaging Dept Chair. I need something to look forward to.  I'm enjoying dating the AF widower, but I think I'm wasting his time.  I bet he wants a wife and ...  I just can't see it.  Motorcycle rides and a buddy are fun, but I shouldn't lead him on.  I wonder if I should increase my Lamictal.  I had PMS anxiety and now I'm in the dumps.  Maybe the bipolar is not completely under control. hard to say.  But it is nice to keep a diary and put these thoughts into words.  It helps. I'm planning on my garden a bit.  the problem with planning ANYTHING is that I still don't have the confidence I can make it happen, energy wise. I'll write on my novel.  That is a nice distraction.  But I even questing that.  Is is a good use of my time.  No...I decided to do ONE, stick with it until the end and then regroup.  Discipline, discipline, discipline.