The trip in two days - was probably better than stretching it to three.  I was exhausted but I was home and back in the gym on Friday.  Saturday I went to Shakespeare in Kilgore with Lisa.  I had cramps and diarhea before.  Laid down in the back, ate lunch okay.  Took a vicodin just before the play and had to take another half.  The vicodin kept me alert but my arrival home around three coincided with it's wearing off and I went to bed, waking up only to eat some soup around 8 and slept until 7:30 - did church, took a vicodin around 10:30 made it through lunch and even invited cousins for coffee.  Died again until seven, took Lucy for a walk, ate oatmeal.  (can't get tot he grocery don't have the energy) This morning I'm at 50% energy,  I woke up at 8:30 but it took me until 10:30 to get breakfast, drink my vitamin cocktail, take pills and get to the computer.  I've been obsessing about my mom's unkindness - I did CBT for four hours but when I felt a migraine starting went ahead and took a valium.  She is meanspirited, unempathetic, and other people look at me with pained expressions when she embarrasses me or invalidates my choices.  I don't know what to do.  I'm tired of "training" her.  It is too much fucking work .  I'm taking her to N.O. I took her to Ecuador.  I make sure she has a good time.  She DOES try to be a good mother.  I sincerely believe she has a limited awareness and that old patterns of cruelty - the passive aggressive zot between the eyes that her mother and sister excelled at - I think she just grew up with it.  Add to that the fact that she genuinely believes that I start it.  She is so easily offended - I can't get through a day without her experience ME has having cut her off or denigrated her.  She feels this perhaps once a day (on average) everyday from everyone but I get the fallout.  The last time she attacked me...it was after three days at her sister's house.  Intellectually I can see it's not about me.  But trapped in a car with a woman supposed to be my mother who is mocking me, repeating what I say in a singsong satire.  I'm thinking she's reverted to about ...eight years old?  Isnt' that the age when the nanananaaaaa lipcurl mocking is "in?" Anyway...I'm looping about the whole thing since I'll be stuck in a car with her.  I don't know if I should discuss it with her...or leave it to potentially fester.  FUCK.  I don't know what to do.  I risk the 48 hour silent treatment if I bring it up. I did it.  and it's fine.  I said "No one knows you like I do and no one knows me like you do and we are a team.  we have to take good care of each other and not let anything get in the way of that. "  WHEW....I also said I know you never intentionally hurt me and I never intentionally hurt you...so if we could just remember that whenever we are feeling rejected...then we can reach out and tell teh other one and make things right."  double WHEW.... I feel better already.  I'm going to the gym as soon as I get my emails done.