No vicodin at all yesterday and I was tempted.  I know the difference between tolerable pain and intolerable pain.  I had tolerable pain last night - but I was in a "mixed state" from the bipolar bullshit.  I think that taking the vicodin for intolerable pain over four to five days has the side effect of elevating my mood so that when I stop, I crash.  This sucks.  Majorly sucks. I took a valium like Dr. Keller suggested.  I seriously seriously considered a margarita.  He told me he'd rather I take one valium.  He was right.  I made it to bedtime without losing my mind.  I did obsess about a negative review on amazon for my last book.  But I asked for help - asked my best friend to review it and shove the bad one down.  She didn't - said I had plenty of good reviews.  That was NOT what I needed to hear.  I even put "desperate" in the subject head.  I'm pissed off - but she's my primary "care-giver" and I don't want to piss her off. I can't count on other people to care about what I care about.  My dad is coming along - but I can't completely trust him.    Pam used to be completely reliable.  She has more important, more serious problems now that she's a preacher.  Deaths, surgeries, real issues.  I'm just a pathetic bipolar crazy needy friend when you have sat in a hospital praying for people to live. Anyway,  I finally woke up feeling like writing on the mystery novel.  I'm liking what I write.  I have no idea if anyone else will.  But the "Shitty First Draft" is the first step and so I'm plugging right along.   I expect to need NO vicodin today.  I will be buying food for my houseguests and arranging sleeping space and towels and soap.  This should make me happy. Also I will buy fireworks for our floating fireworks pyramid.