Yesterday the pain started around 2 and I made it until 3:30.  I cleaned and worked in the yard a bit in the morning. Overdid it?  Somebody has to do it.  Anyway, two and a half Vicodin yesterday.  Valium last night around 11 after my mind started racing and wouldn't stop. Cried this morning.  I'm scared of the doctor appt.  Mother said she'd go with me.  I finally asked her.  I thought she'd say no - that she had other commitments - but she's going.  Crying why? Fear...or maybe that spending $2000 is such a big statement to myself about how bad this is.  I wish I could depend on a doctor to give me the kind of pain killers I need.  I ruminate on what will happen if he says no and I'm without relief.  I think I'd lose my mind.  I pray that documenting all my usage will be enough to convince hime I need and am not abusing the vicodin.  Sigh.  What do other people worry about?  Not getting a promotion?  I'm just worried that I can't keep working.