I have been laying in bed awake for the last hour thinking about my marriage and why it is so hard for me to trust my H now. Lets start at the beginning. We dated for a short amount of time and were married within ten months of meeting. He was loving and spent what seemed like all his time with me and my family. We got married went on our honeymoon and when we got home he changed. We did not have internet or cable in our apartment so instead of coming home he would go to his parents home and to be on the internet. He would leave me home without even telling me he was going to be gone. I would wait for him to come home from work and he would not come. Many nights he would not come home at all. I was heart broken but I was married so I tried. After time we got the internet so he would disappear in our home. Through the years things were bad and good.
We had out fist child and all was good. We decided to have a second who was to be born only two and a half after the first. When I was pregnant my H again disappeared to the internet. I had back problems and felt overwhelmed with the first child, my pain, and working full time. He told me he was not doing anything wrong just talking to people he knew online.
About 6 months before he cheated on me I found texts he sent asking a woman if she still wanted to get pregnant. I come to find out according to him he was pretending to be a sperm donor to make himself feel better about himself. 'no one wants an ugly baby'. at this time was the first time he had told me he was not happy with the way things were. I thought he was getting what he wanted and I was the one wanting more. I realized he had been depressed and I felt bad I did not see it. He admitted as much. But he was still lying. He said he was only pretending so he could feel better about himself. [found out more later]. I then felt bad for him and the women he lied to. I talked to the one I found the text for and apologized. She informed me she was gay and there would never have been any physical contact. I was made at him for deceiving me and for being mean. He assured me he had never strung anyone along who was desperate or would not be able to have kids in a short amount of time.
cont
We had out fist child and all was good. We decided to have a second who was to be born only two and a half after the first. When I was pregnant my H again disappeared to the internet. I had back problems and felt overwhelmed with the first child, my pain, and working full time. He told me he was not doing anything wrong just talking to people he knew online.
About 6 months before he cheated on me I found texts he sent asking a woman if she still wanted to get pregnant. I come to find out according to him he was pretending to be a sperm donor to make himself feel better about himself. 'no one wants an ugly baby'. at this time was the first time he had told me he was not happy with the way things were. I thought he was getting what he wanted and I was the one wanting more. I realized he had been depressed and I felt bad I did not see it. He admitted as much. But he was still lying. He said he was only pretending so he could feel better about himself. [found out more later]. I then felt bad for him and the women he lied to. I talked to the one I found the text for and apologized. She informed me she was gay and there would never have been any physical contact. I was made at him for deceiving me and for being mean. He assured me he had never strung anyone along who was desperate or would not be able to have kids in a short amount of time.
cont
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