I am so sick and tired of everyone relying on me for their every need. I really do care about my friends. I really do care about humanity. I just can’t stand feeling this way anymore. I can’t stand feeling obliged to ensure the happiness of everyone around me. I can’t stand feeling like everyone else’s life is my responsibility. I like to be needed. I am glad that my friends know they can always rely on me. But I can no longer allow myself to be drained of all my internal resources, all of my energy. I am tired. I am tired of caring, tired of trying to fix everyone else’s problems. I am tired of being responsible for the well being of grown-ups who ought to be taking care of themselves. I am tired of encouraging people to do what is best for them. I am tired of people seeking my advice but never putting it into practice. I am tired of guiding people only to lose them at the next fork in the road. I am tired of feeling like other people’s shortcomings are my own, that their failures are mine. I am tired of trying to be everyone’s mother, personal therapist, advisor and friend all in one. I am only one person; I can’t fill all of these roles and fill them adequately. The more I take on, the more depleted I feel; the more inadequate I feel. I can’t stand hating myself anymore. I can’t stand the guilt that haunts me each and every day. I can’t handle the expectations that people have of me. I especially can’t handle my own expectations any longer. I can’t handle stretching myself so thin all the time. I just can’t handle giving away all of my energies so that there is nothing left to spend on my own well being and happiness. I am tired of minimizing my own problems and my own feelings. I am tired of feeling obliged to maintain the image of strength that I have painted of myself. I am tired of needing someone to lean on but instead always being someone else’s rock. I am tired of listening to everyone else’s pains and having no one to help me carry the burden of my own internal conflicts. I am tired of being everyone else’s best friend but never once in my life having one of my own. I am tired of trying to please everyone around me. I am tired of being trampled on and not doing a damn thing about it. I am tired of feeling selfish every time I take care of my own needs. I am tired of feeling guilty about the fact that I have needs that require assertion. I hate hating myself. I hate feeling selfish. I hate feeling inadequate. I hate feeling like a bad person every time I say no to someone else’s needs. I am sick of feeling guilty every time I think about my healthy upbringing. I hate feeling like being raised by a loving middle-class family somehow makes me a bad person simply because I can’t understand the toils of a broken home child. I am sick of feeling like I’ve had a perfect life and don’t deserve to cry. I am tired of feeling like I don’t have any problems that are big enough to justify the smallest bit of self-pity. I hate feeling as though I do not have the right to cry. I hate feeling guilty whenever I do. It hurts enough simply needing to cry. I am tired of holding my true feelings in for fear that they might hurt someone else’s. I am tired of pretending to be okay all the time. I am tired of pretending to be strong all the time. I am tired of feeling guilty every time I feel used. I am sick and tired of hating myself every time someone who I feel responsible for makes a mistake. I am sick and tired of hating myself when I do anything to make myself happy with no gain for anyone else. I am tired of feeling two-faced when I take care of my own desires rather than those of someone else. I am tired of trying to be everyone’s saviour when I can’t even save myself. I am tired of trying to help everyone else when I can’t even help myself. I am tired of admonishing myself every time a selfish thought crosses my mind. I am tired of giving and tired of feeling guilty every time I feel tired of giving. I am tired of trying to be the perfect friend. I am tired of trying to be everything that everyone wants and needs me to be. I am tired of caring about people who seem dependent on me. I am tired of feeling like a horrible person every time I am tempted to put my own needs above someone else’s. I am tired of having people come into my life everywhere I go who rely on me to such an extent that I feel I cannot leave them for fear that they will not make it on their own. I am tired of feeling guilty every time I allow myself to acknowledge the fact that I am tired. I am sick of feeling two-faced when I honestly feel like I care too much. I hate feeling guilty whenever thoughts cross my mind that maybe I care too much. I am tired of always feeling like I do not care enough. I am just so goddamn tired of allowing myself to be hurt and doing nothing about it for fear of seeming selfish or uncaring. I am tired of hating the people that I love and feeling guilty about hating them and hating myself for hating them. I am tired of hating the part of me that hates myself. I am tired of feeling like it is wrong of me to want to burden other people with my struggles because I know how it feels to be burdened. I am tired of wanting everyone else to be happy to such an extent that I am willing to take on all of their burdens and unwilling to burden them with any of my own. I am tired of feeling guilty every time I want to burden someone else. I am tired of not wanting people to worry about me.  I am tired of having no way out. I am sick of caring about everyone but can’t handle the guilt that I feel when I don’t. I am tired of knowing that I need to change but not knowing how to do this without acquiring more guilt. I am tired, that’s all... just so fucking tired.