lame
i never really saw abuse all around me, nor did i ever see myself as "abused."
what i DID see however, was a whole lot of lame.
my history is peppered with friends, family members and relationships where i had to do a lot of explaining and rationalizing.
"you know how he is"
"you were foolish to expect anything from him"
"she can't handle anything difficult or inconvenient"
"he's just limited"
in all of these moments i was taught and expected to make the best of things, not to complain, and pride myself on how well i could bend around the rigidity of people who, for whatever reason, were totally lame and not pulling their weight. they were not around when i needed them. they were not flexible to my feelings or needs. any expectation on my part was seen as weakness, i should have been able to make it on my own. to complain or otherwise judge these qualities in others made me a whiner, negative, a crybaby. and extremely disappointing.
i was taught to accept lame, and to see it as a benign quality that did not affect me. a boyfriend who blew off my birthday was lame, a friend who borrowed money and never paid it back was lame, a person who did not do the things for me that i did for them was lame. not abusive, because abusive must be dealt with. this was just lame, and lame made me lethargic and glassy-eyed. so there it lay, on the ground like a broken egg. gross but not life-threatening, messy but easy to step over. so i did. over and over. and then i wondered why one day my kitchen was nothing but smashed shell and yolk between me and my cookie jar on the counter.
lame is the camouflage duffel bag abuse uses to sneak into your house.
lame is the clock swinging back and forth, lulling you into suggestibility.
lame is the wolf in sheep's clothing it "borrowed" from the sheep with no intention of returning it.
lame keeps your expectations low, and yet still manages to disappoint. accepting lame is saying yes to unsatisfying. yes to feeling unworthy. yes to less and less and less. lame rings the doorbell, abuse comes in and never gets off your freakin couch.
i say no.
i say no to any relationship that i need to qualify with an explanation.
i say no to any person that i have given permission to disappoint me.
i say no to lame, and anyone associated with it.
i say no more lame.
what i DID see however, was a whole lot of lame.
my history is peppered with friends, family members and relationships where i had to do a lot of explaining and rationalizing.
"you know how he is"
"you were foolish to expect anything from him"
"she can't handle anything difficult or inconvenient"
"he's just limited"
in all of these moments i was taught and expected to make the best of things, not to complain, and pride myself on how well i could bend around the rigidity of people who, for whatever reason, were totally lame and not pulling their weight. they were not around when i needed them. they were not flexible to my feelings or needs. any expectation on my part was seen as weakness, i should have been able to make it on my own. to complain or otherwise judge these qualities in others made me a whiner, negative, a crybaby. and extremely disappointing.
i was taught to accept lame, and to see it as a benign quality that did not affect me. a boyfriend who blew off my birthday was lame, a friend who borrowed money and never paid it back was lame, a person who did not do the things for me that i did for them was lame. not abusive, because abusive must be dealt with. this was just lame, and lame made me lethargic and glassy-eyed. so there it lay, on the ground like a broken egg. gross but not life-threatening, messy but easy to step over. so i did. over and over. and then i wondered why one day my kitchen was nothing but smashed shell and yolk between me and my cookie jar on the counter.
lame is the camouflage duffel bag abuse uses to sneak into your house.
lame is the clock swinging back and forth, lulling you into suggestibility.
lame is the wolf in sheep's clothing it "borrowed" from the sheep with no intention of returning it.
lame keeps your expectations low, and yet still manages to disappoint. accepting lame is saying yes to unsatisfying. yes to feeling unworthy. yes to less and less and less. lame rings the doorbell, abuse comes in and never gets off your freakin couch.
i say no.
i say no to any relationship that i need to qualify with an explanation.
i say no to any person that i have given permission to disappoint me.
i say no to lame, and anyone associated with it.
i say no more lame.
Replies
You are exactly right, vernacular. All those \"lame\" behaviors are abusive. No more \"lame!\"