Am I just too much of a fool? I know I don't need to be in this abusive relationship with my W but I also do not feel compelled to go either. She came at me friday night and hurt me verbally with out even trying. I ended up trying to excape her presence (since I was so angry and didn't want to hurt her) and went into the bathroom...NO LOCKS on the door. I turned on the shower and went into melt down mode...No I am never going to do anything drastic I just wanted to be by myself and cry. She had pushed my buttons on some stuff that happened while I was in the military. I have tried to supress so much in my life and it just all came to the surface. I know men aren't suppose to cry like babys but I couldn't help it. I sobbed for what seemed like hours and my W forced her way into the shower fully clothed crying saying she was so sorry. That she didn't mean to push me over the edge, I told her she knew just what she was doing and to leave me alone. She didn't and just stayed in the shower as I went through my full meltdown. I recouped after some time and got out she was shaking seeing what she had just done to me. She even said if I wanted a divorce after this I could have one with out any fight. I didn't say a word ,I was beat and went to the bedroom and slept for @ 12 hrs. She worked the next day and came home she acted like nothing had happened...WOW. I asked why should I stay? why after all of the crap she has done to me? she said she would be a broken person if I left but She under stood if I left her. I had a very long talk with her and discussed how I felt how she has torn my heart out of me and has never given us a fair try at having a marriage. She agreed that she had never thought of anyone except of herself, that she needed to change. BUT the next morning AGAIN...nothing...same stuff different day. SO I told her that I can't do this anymore....SO my head tells me to run like hell....but here I sit...thinking it could be worse?? While in al-anon (for my first marriage) I heard the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different outcomes.. I guess I have reached that point of self realization where I see I am that person I heard about so many times. I have to take some action and fix myself......
Replies
Sorry to hear you\'re having a bad time...I too was ina similar relatonship....it usually doesn\'t get better. I stayed for 8 years thinking it would...guess what, it didn\'t. Try and just think about YOU, take care of YOU and YOUR needs. I pray it gets better for you real soon. Oh! By the way...REAL men cry....don\'t ever think any different. I don\'t care what they tell you in the military....Take Care and god bless!!!!
You deserve so much more. Im sorry you are hurting and I know I havent been here. I know that you can find happiness with someone else because you are an amazing person. You need to start thinking about you and not her. She is selfish. You cry because you hurt. That is human and real. She does not deserve you. Things are good for us... but found out the whore had the baby last week. Going to get a DNA and go from there. It hurts to think another woman may have had his baby. We are both hurting and scared. You know how hopeless things were... and God helped us get through it. He will help you to find happiness too. I dont think it will ever happen with your wife... but only you can decide when you have had enough and deserve more. I love you and wish you all the happiness you deserve.
JERRY ... I AGREE WITH BOTH THESE WOMEN ... KATIE BEAR SAID IT BEST .... REAL MEN \" D-O \" CRY !!! AS FAR AS YOUR WIFE GOES ?? HOW IS IT YOU THINK THE SITUATION WOULD BE WORSE IF YOU LEAVE AND .... H-E-L-L-O ... FINALLY HAVE A LIFE ! YOUR SCARING ME JERRY .... THINK ABOUT IT MY FRIEND ... SOME PEOPLE CAN\'T CHANGE THEIR SPOTS ... SOME PEOPLE DON\'T GIVE A SHIT ENOUGH TO .. MOST PEOPLE TALK OUT HTEIR ASSES ... SO YOU DECIDE ...... AND GOOD LUCK .... LOVE, MARIE
You are starting to get stronger Jer. Like I have always told you...You will know when you have had enough.
The one thing that I find so heart-breaking is that, at the end of your entry, you say you need to take steps to fix YOU. All she puts you through, and the action you decide you need to take is to improve YOU. No, Jerry... there\'s nothing wrong with you, and the comments above are right - real men DO cry. Your wife is not for you. She\'s no good for you. She\'s abusive. YOU aren\'t the one who needs changing, but you shouldn\'t be waiting around for her to do that either, and getting beat up mentally and emotionally in the process. She\'s not going to change - she doesn\'t want to, she truly doesn\'t. What she\'s doing is working for her - she gets out her anger... she gets to vent, and you stay. I honestly think she gets off on hurting you. No Jer... the only action you need to take is to improve the love you have for yourself... improve your self esteem, enough to give you the conviction to get the Hell out of Dodge. All my thoughts and love to you. You can do this. Brenda