MY wife and I had a knock down drag out last night after the therapist session. The therapist keeps alluding to the fact that my wife is a lesbian and is trying to "act" as a heterosexual. She looked at me and asked why I would put up with no sex for 2 1/2 years and what kind of game are we playing? I told her that I knew of my wife’s past of sexual abuse and have been patient waiting for her to trust me enough to let me in fully. My wife said she loves me and she does want to have a full marriage with all of the benefits. The therapist asked me if I could go through our marriage never having sex, I said no. I said I couldn't see how my wife could give herself so freely to a woman in such a short time and she still hasn't gotten to the point where she can give herself freely to me to this day. The therapist asked my wife why that could be, my wife said she didn’t know why she could do that with another woman so easily. The therapist told my wife that she really needs to come to terms with the fact she isn't heterosexual but a lesbian by her lack of acts with me and lack of intimacy. The therapist said that my wife and I have to get use to being with each other and my wife needs to quit coming up with excuses as to why we can’t have sex so often and just do it. I really don’t know where this is going to go from here. My head tells me the therapist is right but my heart always gets in the way. We got home and argued for along time and my wife said that she couldn’t handle it if we were to break up, that she would fall apart completely. I asked her if she was just afraid of growing old with out someone else to be with she said no that she loves me and wants me to be her husband. Sucks a lot because I love my wife, but know I am never going to have the life I envisioned us having.
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honestly, i do agree with your therapist. i can understand your wfe getting so angry because she is not ready to face reality herself. of course we believe what we want to, but at some point reality needs to set in and we have to face whatever it is. i know you love her, but is this what you want? no sex and the constant mistrust? thats no life. she really needs to try to figure things out...its only fair. this is your life too.
I agree that your wife needs to just have sex if she feels like or not. I used to not all that into it but the more we did it the more I started to enjoy it! You can build up all kinds of resistance and BS in your head to keep yourself from doing something. I know Dr Laura suggests the same.
Hello! That she needs to have sex if she doesnt want to? Thats marital rape fignplum.
I dont know why your therapist hasnt brought up the fact your wife may not be keen on sex because she is dealing with her abuse issues. That could also be why she could more easily fall into the arms of a woman after a short amount of time. Nothing to do with which way she is inclined. Woman are safe after abuse and men represent the abuse.
If she says she wants her marriage with you to work- believe her.
Just try woo-ing her again in and out of bed. The best husbands are the ones who can think like a woman in terms of how they approach their spouse. And vice versa.
Goodluck and dont give up on your wife.
Thanks, and We are wooing each other all the time. I do take in consideration the abuse she had in the past, thats why I don\'t PUSH it at all. I feel if the marriage is going to go to a higher place I need to be patient with her.
I agree w/ CM007
I beleive she truely wants to be w/ you.. Her eyes will provide the truth..
Im no expert in re: the subject of abuse, and I happen to enjoy sex w/ my husband. However, i do notice there always seems to be something missing, and i believe its tied to the abuse somehow.. Maybe what figplum was trying to say was for your wife to face her fear.. I have never rejected my husband ever.. but it never seems like he gives, and only wants to receive, and only wants me to initiate.. Im learning more about this delimma all the time.. I do admit we have made up some fantasys where I was able to face some of my fears, and admit it was helpful to me. Having him be in complete control of me was powerful, and healing. I have no idea why... and do not need it to be that way all the time.. I just know I love him more for doing this for me.