Having a bad two months, I am really trying to find out if the bp caused the affair and her feelings for the girl or if it is a crutch to get her out of the fire. I want to believe that she couldn't do this with a clear mind but I see realize that she did go into this with free will. The bp meds wern't working during that time but I can't get it out of my mind that she wanted it to happen. I occasionaly look at her journal(she gave me permission) and it appears she might just be waiting for the dust to settle and go in again with the same woman or someone else. There was a passage that stated the there was still a small want to be with her again but she wanted to squelch that thought as soon as possible. I just cross my fingers and hope that she will be strong and get those stinking thoughts out of her head. I want the marriage to work and will be vigelant to make sure she won't stray (she has asked me to do this) I just hope I can be strong enought to stay put and ride this life on my rollercoaster. I enjoy the good times and try to rember them when things go sour. To everyone here I thank you for your support it has helped a lot you are all so kind. Jerry xxx