It's day two for me again, I feel like I am always starting over, but it's worth it because I am not giving into defeat. The money's woes that gambling has caused me to be in makes me want to run and gamble even more, the whole time thinking "if I just could hit the jackpot, I would be good" that is the type of thinking that got me into this mess in the first place.. I feel depressed and sad...but my kids keep me going because I am not trying to stop for me but for them as well.

I used to talk to my sister about gambling woes and trouble, however she seems to be unavailable.... I used to use her as a sponser and she would give me guidance and Id do the same for her, but it's one sided now..

I tell her not to go or to leave when she's up, or call her a thousand times when she is there or even stay up late at night just to talk to her when she did leave the casino because I knew she would have lost a lot... But when I was there or lost a lot, she'd never answer her phone when I needed her most..I don't blame her for my troubles but I think she should have done for me what I did for her.. It wasn't that she was busy, she claimed that her boyfriend turned off her phone, when she knows I have a problem.. She would ask for me to go and I would decline, and asking several times I'd going know I have issues.. She'd say she wasn't playing only to set at the machine and I would start play myself begging her lets go home and but she as well as I would only leave when the money ran out..



I am a little angry because when I need her she is not there.. When I am going through something she is not there, but I make myself availble if it's late, I am out of town, and work anything because I know support is needed, but I am not being supported...

this will be a test because I am stopping, and I researched the tools and have given them to her like DS, GA... I love my sister but I can't keep making myself available for someone who is not availble for me...

I realize that was one of my triggers that made me go to the casino by myself... That feeling of not being supported and being alone.