A Little better

Paul finally put the locks on our bedroom door and the basement door.  What a drag, but we just had no choice.  David went in my room and took another rated R DVD (Wes Craven's Nightmare on Elm Street.)  I don't even watch that garbage.  But this has just been a continuous problem.  And 10+ more popsicle wrappers in the dining room hidden among a box of toys.  And a Tastycake cupcake wrapper full of crumbs in his room.  He told the counselor the other day he just can't stop himself from eating sweets and candy.  (We brought in the large canister that was full of empty wrappers in his room to show the counselor.)  And he is driving me crazy.  I constantly have to tell him to flush the toilet (EWW!), take a shower, clean up after himself.  And the mouthiness continues, with him screaming at me to shut up.  So he was told today no food until he cleaned his bathroom.  (He had already eaten breakfast, and Lord knows what else.)  He laid in bed, took several naps, just refused.  Then when dinner time came, he threw one if his fits.  But he finally got his bathroom done and got to eat dinner.  It is a royal pain having to get the key everytime I want to go in my room.  But we just have no choice.   School starts on 9/1/09.  Oh joy.  But there will be NO priveliges until I see the homework done.  if this does not work and he gets a bad first report card, then there will be no tv or video games on a school night for the rest of the year.  I am just sticking to my guns.  School has to come first. I have been bingeing and eating garbage for the last 2+ weeks and thank God only gained 1 lbs.  I got some cleaning done today and feel a little better.  Have some more to get done tomorrow.  Want to read a few chapters in my book in the afternoon.  And this week and am making a promise to myself to just get my butt in gear again.  I keep letting myself down.  It isn't fair.  I am going to buy some Lean Cusines and Healthy Choice dinners.  This way, if I make something for the guys that is not fitting with my diet, I can eat one of those and it is also portion controlled.  I am going to get back to the Y.  It's been almost 3 weeks since I have been there.  I just feel horrible.  I am SO tired with all of the stress I have been under.  My sister lost 78 lbs.  I am SO jealous.  She is like the center of attention everywhere.  Not that I am this big attention grabbing person, but I have always felt on the outside looking in to begin with, even in my own family.  I have just felt different than the rest of them.  If she can do it, gosh, I should be able to.  She wants to lose about 30 more lbs.  So this is it.   I have zero self confidence right now.  I just feel so blah.  I have to get out of the blahs.  I have to find a way to get out and enjoy life more.  Paul bought me a ticket to go to Florida to see my Dad.  10/2/09-10/8/09.  It will be so nice to get away and I really miss my Dad and stepmom.  I closed 7 claims last week, which is A LOT.  2-3 per week is a good clip.  Hopefully, this week, will plug in some overtime and just get some more cleaned up.  And I have to crack the whip on this house.  I am just going to do a little at a time.   Paul has done nothing on the basement for months.  So much for getting a pool table for Christmas.  And I think the next thing I need to clean up is my office.  Maybe I will spend some time tomorrow cleaning up in here so I feel better on Monday morning.