First:  Sorry guys I have not been on here in almost a week!  OMG!  But I was having internet problems again.  I had had problems before with DS and uploaded Firefox and then have since gotten an upgrade.  That (fingers crossed) seems to have solved my DS problems with it being slow, hitting an emoticon and it not entering, typing in a journal and hitting enter and the computer freezing up, not being able to get into some people's journals, etc.  But over the last couple of weeks, I had intermittent service.  With my work laptop, I have to sign in to get in through firewalls, etc.  So every time the internet would disconnect, I would have to sign back in with my work laptop.  VERY VERY frustrating and time consuming.  And now, with the stress and workload, was not a good time for this.  So I ended up working on my air card last week.  And you call Comast and they can't come out for 4 days!  So it finally got fixed this past Thursday.  I had a corroded wire connector outside at the box.  It was also causing things to go slow.  So hopefully, I have increased speed as well.   Last week at this point is almost best forgotten.  I am not hanging in the towel.  I am not giving up.  But I completely gave up and failed and just hung by my fingernails.  Got 3 new fires at work.  Was on the road a few days.  Did finish one estimate- 349 pages!  Try to imagine having to make a list of EVERYTHING you own inside your home- clothes, furniture, spatulas, china, pencils, shovels, bags of mulch in your garage, lamps, shoes, underwear, toys, etc.  This is what I do for a living with people who have lost their home.  Love the job, just too much.  Should be getting some help on 8/17.  Just have to hang in there 1 more week.  Ate really bad last week.  Back to smoking, bad.  Steps and exercise, bad.  Worked late most nights.  One night I was up working until 2am.  Not sleeping well at all.  Last night was particularly bad.  Shame.  I was exhausted and thought I would just pass out but I tossed and turned all night.  David was supposed to go over his foster mom's to spend the week with her in Virginia but he had a melt down (over not wanting to wear swim shorts!!!!!)  So we took him there yesterday.  So David is away for a week.  Love him and miss him but will be nice just the same.  Paul thinks that David is fighting me in retaliation against his biological mother.  His anger and even physical-ness is almost always against me.  He called last night and didn't even want to talk to me.  We went to my mom's last night for dinner.  Got my hair colored and cut.  Paul got a hair cut.  (Mom is a hairdresser and has a salon in her home.)  Bad storms again last night and came home to no power.  Thank God, 4 hrs, came back on.  We have a generator and were getting ready to hook it up.  Don't want to lose refrigerated/frozen food.   I didn't write anything down.  I guess I just threw my hands up in the air and gave up.  I am SO exhausted today, I just could not go to the Y.  I am going to try to get to bed early, maybe even take a sleeping pill or something.   This week:  just going to get backto basics:  write everything down, beginning today.  Get back to my 10,000 steps per day.  Get to the Y 3 times this week.  Get back to drinking water.  (will worry about how much next week.  Any water at this point is an increase.)  Still dreaming of 136 by Penn State.  I cannot wait to go to that game!  I love the Fall.  I hear the marching band at the high school down the street practicing.  Philadelphia Eagles football camp on TV.  Whoo Hoo!  Determined, one way or another to have a productive week this week.

Replies

ZECILKL
ZECILKL

Sounds like you were in the middle of so much...
don\'t worry about not getting exercise in ...
get your work done... worry about getting some sleep...

hope the stress level drops this week for you... good luck w/everything.... have a great week....
deleted_user
deleted_user

OK, first and most importantly, I want you to quit that smoking. You know why, you know how to do it, and you CAN do it. Save your life!
The food, exercise, etc., that can come back and a routine set up as you are able and as you get back to basics, you will conquer those things! You are really good at this - you are great at getting those steps in and getting the job done. You can do this.
Have a total blast at the game regardless of any size or weight numbers. Life is good! But work hard for your health. We need you and David and Paul certainly do too.
You are such a great friend. I really appreciate you!! :) xoxo
Kahlua13
Kahlua13

I quit before, so the good news is, I know I can do it again. It will happen, soon. I am going to just focus on simple things this week- writing stuff down, exercise/steps. Next week, I will shoot for a little more. Hopefully in a few weeks can quit smoking again. God, I am going to miss it! I knew it was affecting my health, but didn\'t realize how much until these last few weeks when the smoking picked up. Same thing with the weight. Didn\'t realize how much it had affected me until I lost the 14 lbs. But one thing I have learned over the last 8 or 9 months or so is to not give up and feel like a failure, causing me to go backwards. No matter what, I am still 14 lbs down from where I was before. Now, to get 14 more!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Sounds good to me!! I know you know what to do and will get it done. We are here if you need to lean on us through the hard times! Do you join a quitting support group on DS?
Yes, be proud of what you have accomplished!! I am proud of you!
JoyceMarilyn
JoyceMarilyn

Well first off you have not quit! You may have sidetracked but you have not quit!
Take time to regroup, get the basics, rest and try to remove stress. Then with the weight loss...back to the baby steps. Do the important stuff first...like eating healthy foods and drinking water. The rest will follow!
As for smoking...Quit!
Love ya, take care of yourself!
htag
htag

PHEW! Sounds like an exhausting week! I\'m so sorry that you are feeling the stress of being short handed at work. Glad they are finding you help too!

Maybe Paul is right about David and lashing out only at you. This is the only association that David has had with another mommy. From what you have told me, it seems like he has a lot of pent up feelings that he needs to find a way to express. Poor kid. Poor you too. I wish there was a way that I could give you the mind reading skills you needed to help him understand that all mommys are not like his birth mommy, and that all mommys love in a different way just as he should try and love you. I can\'t even imagine what is going through his head and all that he has been through. I\'d be interrested in seeing a daily journal of melt downs throughout the years, just to see how the stability of your home, and all of your love has made a difference in how many he has. You have a heart of gold. You are a patient person with a lot of love. Hang in there as best as you can. I\'m blessed to have you as a friend. ((hugs))
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, ....Your strength and determination is impressive! Know I\'m sending you tons of positive thoughts. :) H