TGIF!

Kind of a blah, bummer of a week.  Work was ok, a little stressful.  I feel like I didn't get a lot done, but I also felt blah and relatively unproductive and I have to get myself out of this.  I know one thing is that I have to get back on track with my eating and exercise.  I haven't made it to the YMCA once this week.  I have been taking my evening walks with the dog, but I really need 3-4 times at the Y.  My eating wasn't great.  Not horrific, but not great.  I feel stuck in every aspect of my life right now. My mom and my uncle are going to Montana for my Uncle's funeral (he died last week in a tragic car accident.)  I am taking them to the airport tomorrow.   Hopefully, I will go to Florida in October to see my dad.  If I can plan it and buy the tickets, I think that will really help me to focus and have something really fun and positive to look forward to.  Also, one good thing, I got tickets to go to Penn State football game on 10/20/09!  Can't wait!  THAT is something I am really looking forward to!  I was in the Penn State Marching Blue Band 83, 84, 86.  Went to 2 bowl games.  I am true blue, die hard Penn State Football fan.  Going to a game once a year is a goal of mine.  109,000 screaming fans!  Whoo HOO!  And it is like a 3 square mile tailgate party!  And October in the mountains in Pennsylvania is BEAUTIFUL!  So I think I will have to set some serious goals for myself for October and then treat myself to a couple of new Penn State sweatshirts!!!!!  WHOO HOO!  GO PSU!!!   The new counselor is great!  Pretty hard to believe that I meet her once and feel a connection!  Wow!  She just gets it.  Time will tell, but I have some hope.   So I need to get back on track and focus on me and get myself out of the blahs.  I am also doing "My Spanish Coach" on Nintendo DS and I am on Lesson 15.  Trying to teach myself Spanish.  I think I will make a goal of this too.   Laura, if you are reading this, THANKS for the support and inspiration!  Man, I don't know how you do it.  Paul started the tile in the basement.  Yeah!  Another step closer to another project being done!  I also need to update the "honey-do" list around here. Anyway, have a great weekend my friends!  Sorry I wasn't around so much this week!  I will try to do better.  But I love you all and think of you often!   Oh, and David had a pretty good week this week, Thank God!  And Paul and David went to a Yankees game up in NY and had a good time.  

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Exciting news about the Penn State game! I\'m sure you\'ll have a wonderful time. I know what you mean about the beauty of the mountains in October. I live at the foothills of the Adirondacks in Upstate NY and our mountains are just AMAZING in the fall! It\'s my favorite time of year!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Of COURSE I am reading this! I am your friend! :) Hugs!!!
What did the counselor have to say? How do you feel she \"got it\"? Which way is she leaning in her advice?
Could you come and staple a \"honey do\" list on my husband\'s forehead? Print backwards so he can read it when looking in the mirror.
Te amo!!
Go PSU!
Kahlua13
Kahlua13

It is hard to explain about counselors. The previous counselors all made me feel defensive, like this was all my fault or our fault. I often walked out feeling like a bad parent. I never truly felt like these people were dealing with David and his issues. If David put his foot through the wall, I had to show empathy and not jump up and down and scream. I am supposed to say \"Oh, I can really see that you are angry. When you are ready, let me know and we will talk about it.\" It was all about leaving him alone. So when he didn\'t want to face his problems, he would go to his room and say leave me alone, and tell the counselor I wasn\'t leaving him alone.

This counselor set up ground rules. When is it ok to go off and have a time out and when is it not? She clearly agreed that when he is breaking and smashing things, we are going to immediately come in and NOT leave him alone. I felt validated and I felt like \"I can do this.\" She somehow got through to David and got him to talk. The last counselor could never get David to say anything of any value.

Also, she put David on the computer with these sensors attached to his fingers that measure breathing, heart rate, blood pressure, etc. And he plays video games that actually teach him to calm himself down, physically and mentally. So he is going to do this 10 minutes per session. He did the first one really great. I could actually watch him calm himself down and was rewarded on the computer screen with stairs climbing to a garden, or bunnies coming out to greet him. Pretty neat software.

But for the first time, I didn\'t feel like it was my fault. And I felt like I could be a part of the solution and I didn\'t feel beat up and defensive. When I explained my concerns and where i felt we needed help, she agreed. we don\'t have a real plan yet, as we just started. But there is something about her that I just connect with. Call it a positive vibe. Hard to put a finger on it.

My top 3 concerns: 1) Dealing with David\'s anger and lack of control of himself. (Everyone gets angry, and the anger itself isn\'t the issue. But when he gets angry sometimes he gets out of control.) 2) David cannot accept responsibility for his actions. (ie: if he fails a test, it has nothing to do with his not studying and doing his homework. It is the teacher\'s fault for not explaining it well.) 3) His lying. These 3 things, believe it or not, are all intertwined. So we are going to work on the anger first.

David does not get the \"cause and affect\" that his behavior has on what happens to him.
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are such a great pat, I thank you very much. I think your a wonderful Mom and you keep fighting and fighting to find what\'s bother\'s David, getting everything out so he can finally be happy and realize that no one is out to hurt him anymore. I think others would have already given up. I\'m so happy this counselor seems real and you connect cuz if you don\'t connect then I think it\'s gonna work either. We as Mom\'s we know and feel when things seem good or not. It\'s that mom sense right? Hope together as a family it can be resolved and Paul agrees to take a deep breath before going off the handle, it\'s very stressful but I think your doing a great, spectacular job dealing with all this and then on top of it taking care of yourself. Tomorrow is a new day and we don\'t give up - we keep fighting no matter what gets in our way. Glad you have Kona to keep you going and keeps you smiling!!! She is a lucky dog. Our pup is growing up so fast, he\'s 5 1/2 months old and 84 lbs, yes 84 lbs - moose! He is great, I took Jimmy to the park and brought him so he gets comfortable around other people and he just loves the attention. Our other mastiffs didn\'t like others, didn\'t bring them around many people and that was our fault. My life has been crazy but people like you make me realize it\'s out there and I will eventually find what I\'m looking for - THANK YOU!!! No matter what gets in our way we fight and fight and try to do the best we can, we will find happiness and balance, for some of us it just takes longer right? Your a special friend and I think it\'s great to know there are people out there that really care and can relate. Take care and hope to keep up more - work has been slow and scary with this economy but plugging along, sorry about the stress at your work, when is the next vacation :-)??? Girls vacation, no husbands or kids??? haa haa, never! Big hugs, have a great weekend and I like all your ideas, brainstorming is best right now to get things back on track! Hugs xxxx
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh thanks so much for the great explanation. I can see why you are feeling positive about this counselor. Talk about actually taking positive steps - the software program sounds very cool. Even something concrete like that will show David how this can actually be WORKED on and not just someone trying to get him to talk when he doesn\'t want to. And that\'s amazing that she could get him to open up too. How great!
You are a fantastic mom! Don\'t ever let anything or anyone make you worry otherwise.
JoyceMarilyn
JoyceMarilyn

What a great journal! So glad you and David are getting on with the new counselor! Sounds like she will be a great help with David gaining contol of his emotions! Great!