Everytime I think things are better, WHAM! I went to the Y at 6:15am. Got back to see David off to school. He was in a bad mood. I really should have kept my mouth shut and not said a word. But he was SO mouthy. He puffs his chest up and gets in my face and it is all I can do to keep from smaking him. I forget exactly what started it, but I said something, and also about I was tired of him being disrespectful. He started yelling and screaming and banging his hand (yes the one in the cast) as hard as he could into his bed. He stomped on things and broke them, threw a book, etc. Just plain got ugly real fast. Paul has made comments the last couple of months about how he (Paul) only has one way out. (Meaning he wants to die.) He has made comments to me about how he can't take this anymore. I know in my heart that in many ways, Paul sees himself as David's father, but does not see David as his son. (If that makes any sense.) We were talking the other day about sending David to summer camp for a few weeks, and Paul made a comment about he didn't want to spend the money. Not that we can't afford it, just that he doesn't want to spend the money. I am so beat up and tired. David just blames everything on me so much of the time. After David goes off to school, Paul and I started to clean up David's room. Oh yeah, now I remember what started the argument: 1) yesterday, David was out walking the dog and the dog came running back on her own, no leash. David lies and says he tripped. If that had happened, the leash would still have been attached to the dog! He let her off the leash on purpose and lies. 2) Today, the night light in the hallway was missing, outside of the bedrooms. I went tot he Y and with the nightlights can get at in the dark at 6:15am. I came home and asked him what he did with the nightlight and he flipped out and got in my face and screamed he did not take it. Well, I didn't take it. Paul didn't take it. The dog didn't take it. It isn't that he took it, but that he lied about it. Again. So after David left, we were cleaning up looking for this thing. Hidden along the wall of David's bed was my Raggedy Anne doll (small one) that was ripped to shreds and the stuffing all over. That was disturbing enough. But to see what he drew on the doll and the way he tortured it....... Paul said that David must really be angry with me, his mother. I don't even want to describe it, it is that horrible. Needless to say, I am bawling all day. Paul will take the doll to the counselor on Wednesday. I am so sad and angry and upset. I don't even want to talk to my son right now. I have nothing good to say. I am scared and hurt and worried. I am praying, and praying and praying. Just like the Footprints poster, I just need God to carry me right now. Paul is going to look into seperate counseling for him and I. We went through this before about 7 years ago where I wasn't sure our marriage was going to survive this turmoil. We got through it. So that is where I am right now. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I am sure it will be. This stuff has a tendancy to blow over. But I now realize that this anger and his issues are deeper than I realized. I really thought he was beginning to heal. I am now thinking that we have now come as far as I thought.