Bad day today. David smashed a toy truck and ripped his new shirt (on purpose.) I am so tired and so frustrated. I want to give up. I am so tired of his anger and his destruction. Tuesday is David's 12th birthday. I am not having a party. He breaks things and gets in my face and says "I don't feel like it" and lies and then wants a birthday party? Well I don't feel like it. I feel like a failure all around- home, work, mother, wife, friend. I don't even want Christmas this year. Too much bother. I feel miserable. I am trying to lose weight and exercise more. I am praying that this helps me to feel better, both physically and mentally. I am tired of the arguments. I am tired of the holes in my walls. He threw his dart board into the closet door and put a ding in it. And then he had the nerve to blame me! I pissed him off so he threw it. I took back his new birthday clothes. I am bawling all day. He is in his room drawing. And this counselor sends us a packet to read to see if we are on board and he has to think if he wants to take our case. And it is this whole chapter on parenting the child with attachment issues and goes on and on about being nonconfrontational and empathetic! So again it makes me defensive and it makes me feel like a failure. And here is this 12 year old kid who refuses to take responsibility for his own actions and blames us for everything. How am I supposed to be empathetic when I watch him rip his brand new shirt because he is angry? I just want to go curl up in bed and stay there for a month. I know that will not fix the problem but I just can't deal with it right now.
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Sweetie, I\'m so sorry that you are dealing with so much sad and mad these days. My heart and many prayers go out for you. I wish I had a wand to make it better. Don\'t think that you are a failure sweetie. David just needs a better outlet for his anger. I hope that a counselor can help. I don\'t know that I like that one that sent all the \"empathy\" material to you though. You are so right, he needs SOME form of accountablility! The laws are so hard with how you can discipline a child as it is, and then you have an out of control little guy that you don\'t know how to even BEGIN to disipline in fear that it\'ll be the wrong way! I tend to wonder, too, if we will have a similar situation when we get matched with a child too.
I will continue to pray for you sweetie. I will pray that the communication between you and David will open up, and that he will be able to talk WITH you and not yell AT you. I will pray that he will find a better outlet for his anger. I will pray for you beloved Sneakers. I will pray for strength to you so that you can overcome this frustration and sadness you are feeling. I will pray also that this defeated feeling leaves you completely...YOU ARE STRONG! Please, sweetie, Hang in there. Hugs.