Bad day yesterday all around.  Computer system for work has periodically gone down on me over the last 1 1/2 weeks.  So even though work has slowed down, I can't get caught up because I can't get my work done and I spend hours everyday on the phone with the help desk.  And I am just dealing with people who lie to me, to my face, about what they had in their homes, about what things cost.  People try to get more money.  And the majority of time that this happens, people run out of money and then pad their claim to make up the difference. So with the economy being so bad, the fraud and the lying is just getting worse.  So for  a person who trusts like I do, it just hurts.  I know I am not supposed to take it personal, but I do. Now we had a bad blow up with David yesterday.  And with everything else, I am just so angry and so upset and so hurt.  I don't want to talk to him at all.  We have to remind him over and over to do stuff.  OK.  That's normal.  I know bio parents that have to be on top of their kids all of the time.  And it isn't even sometimes that back talk.  Although I NEVER would have talked back to my Mom or any other elder growing up.  And I think "What am I doing wrong?"  I am not raising him to be disrespectful?  But the disrespect is just one of my buttons he choses to push.  But David gets zoned into something and forgets all else.  Like tv.  Especially when he is watching wrestling.  I HATE wrestling.  I am at the point where I am going to tell my husband he isn't watching it anymore.  I don't think watching wrestling and playing violent video games affects all kids in a bad way.  But I am starting to think that it affects David in a bad way.  He just becomes so aggressive after watching it.   My husband had asked David many times yesterday to vacuum the kitchen floor.  Over and over told him it had to be done by the time we left to go to counseling, which was 3pm.  Around 2pm, my husband finally says, that's it.  Turn to the tv off and do it now.  So David starts smacking the vacuum cleaner into everything.  Now I get involved because he is either going to break my vacuum cleaner or damage my furniture.  Eventually, big blow up and I just watched him take the vacuum cleaner and smash it over and over on the ground as hard as he could until he smashed the attachment into about 30 pieces.  It was plastic mind you, but this was intentional and willful.  I watched him to this.  He goes to the counselor.  He refuses to say he is sorry.  He says he didn't do it on purpose and then proceeds to say how bad of parents we are and makes a list of everything my husband broke.  He blames us.  It is my fault I made him mad.  It is my fault I got in his face.  Well, he was damaging my property!  What am I supposed to do?  Sit back and let him do it?  He refuses to accept responsibility for his actions.  It all just makes me doubt him and not trust him.  I am hurt and angry and I don't want to talk to him.  And today we started to talk about what happened and he again says he did not do this on purpose.  And I say go to your room.  He has put holes in the wall.  He put his fist through a $300 speaker.  He has smashed things, broken things.  Ripped up a brand new hardback dictionary.  You don't just rip up an entire dictionary into a thousand pieces by accident.  And I am tired of this couselor.  I am tired of him constantly looking at my parenting skills.  I feel defensive around him.  I don't think he is intentionally blaming us, my husband and I.  But I think the attitude is feeding my son's ability to blame us as well.  I am hurt and I am tired. I grew up poor and so grateful for everything I had.  Single mom and I was the oldest of 4.  By 11, I was changing diapers, feeding bottles, cooking dinner, doing dishes and cleaning house.  I am trying to balance responsibility with still allowing my son to be a kid.  I am just very frustrated at what I see as a total lack of responsibility and a lack of appreciation and lack of respect.  I am not asking him to kiss my butt.  But food does not magically appear at the table without working to pay for it and the electricity to cook it and the work involved with shopping for the food and preparing it and doing the dishes afterwards.   And now today, he keeps saying he did not break that vacuum attachment on purpose.  And to me, that is like a lie and it just blows my trust.  I am just so hurt and sad and I don't know how to get that trust back.  And I worry about what happens when he is 16?  What about 24?  I feel like I am failing him as a parent and I am running out of time.  Maybe I am blowing this up to be bigger than it really is and I am hoping a week from now looking back at it that is what happens.  But right now, this is how I feel.