I haven't written in a while. I know i should be journaling because it's a good way to organize my thoughts and feelings. But, on the other hand that means i also then have to face them. I'm not sure i can handle that part yet.       Life with Steve is a daily struggle. I truely believed that spending time in jail was going to be the start of some really big changes. He HATED it there so much. But, he is really stuggling with old habits. I live in constant fear that he is going to end up back in jail - and if he goes back its straight time, no work release, no early release. just hard time. that should be enough to make him want to stay out.... WHY ISN'T IT ENOUGH????      I hate that i have to constantly watch him and ask him a million questions every time he makes a move. he resents it and so do I. I certainly don't trust him. He is still lying to me on a daily basis. he has no concept of our financial situation even tho I have explained it one million times. I have been really trying to have a back bone and stand my ground but sometimes he just keeps at me so much i finally give in just to shut him up and get him out of my hair. i resolve here and now, that i will be stronger with that and quit enabling. be it financially or emotionally.