I am not sure if i'm ready to write yet. There is a very strong inner struggle within me that says that if i start writing down how i'm feeling that maybe i will have to deal with those feelings and i just don't know how i can do that right now. The anger i feel when i come face to face with the addict is something i didn't even know existed within me and its not very forgiving. The next day when my husband is sober again and doesn't remember me feeling the way i did is heartbreaking in a way because he doesn't remember enough to care that he made me that angry and hurt. He just shrugs it all off and tries to go on like we should pretend this episode and all of the others didn't even exist. If i bring it up he is angry that i would stress over something that doesn't even matter. He questions my love for him because of the actions i take to keep him and his family safe. I think this is enough writing for now, i just wish i could tuck it all away and just go back to life again until it was time to dredge it all up again. I am very good at shutting my mind down when things aren't going so great but it just doesn't seem to be working anymore.
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I know how you feel. I wasn\'t too sure about letting my feelings out either. But the fact of the matter is their there. It doesn\'t make you a bad person for feeling the way you do. I\'m not proud of who I have become because of all this drug drama. It\'s very stressful on everyone. The only difference is, we stay sober and face the wreckage the addicts cause, while they keep going off into lala land. We are trying are hardest to keep the family from falling apart, while their doing everything they can to tear it apart. I\'m still angry and we have been dealing with this for 7 months now. We go to counseling tonight. I am looking forward to it because I do want to understand it to the point where I\'m not hating him anymore.