I am not sure if i'm ready to write yet.  There is a very strong inner struggle within me that says that if i start writing down how i'm feeling that maybe i will have to deal with those feelings and i just don't know how i can do that right now.  The anger i feel when i come face to face with the addict is something i didn't even know existed within me and its not very forgiving.  The next day when my husband is sober again and doesn't remember me feeling the way i did is heartbreaking in a way because he doesn't remember enough to care that he made me that angry and hurt.  He just shrugs it all off and tries to go on like we should pretend this episode and all of the others didn't even exist.  If i bring it up he is angry that i would stress over something that doesn't even matter.  He questions my love for him because of the actions i take to keep him and his family safe.  I think this is enough writing for now, i just wish i could tuck it all away and just go back to life again until it was time to dredge it all up again.  I am very good at shutting my mind down when things aren't going so great but it just doesn't seem to be working anymore.