44th birthday
It has been 18 months since I lost my son to suicide and today would have been his 44th birthday. I haven't written for a while but I just had to today. I miss him so much and although it has been 18 months things, at times, seem so fresh. My daughter and I have been going to a support group for the last six weeks and it does help some, this is the third time I have done this, but after we meet I am so tired the next day, maybe I am just getting old, but it does take so much out of me. It is such a shame to see all the sorry at the group and to know other people are doing through the same thing we are. I am alot better than I was 18 months ago but there are still times it hurts so much to think he has left us and his wife and two children. I am so happy for my religion and to know that the time will come when I see him again and the first thing I want to do is kick his butt for all he has put us though. We are tending his two children over the week-end and they are both such sweethearts. He has really missed watching his two children grow up.
Replies
I understand and I wish you and your family peace on this 44th year of Lance\'s birth. May you find some comfort in being able to be a part of the lives of his two most precious children and may the good memories outweigh the bad ones. Good to hear from you and glad you have found a support group. I do honestly believe it helps to be physically present with others who are suffering, somewhat as you have suffered. As you can comfort someone else, you, yourself, will be comforted. Remembering your son on this day and sending you
my best wishes that peace be with you. Truly in friendship, BarbaraWawa (Barb)
I pray you will have peace while remembering your son\'s life on earth....life goes on and he is better now than ever....have faith and hope....you will get to \"kick butt\" soon enough .... Smile a smile for Lance on his birthday....Hugs, dale...brandon\'s mom
I just saw this entry from February and wanted to chime in with my own observation that 18 months seems to be a tough hurdle ~ it was 18 months in January since we lost our 21 year old daughter to a drunk driver. I know it\'s not precisely the same pain as losing a child to suicide but the cycles of grief are similar. Sometimes it does still feel fresh, though when my husband and two daughters look back to how we were a year and going on two years ago ~ we know we have made much progress, as I know you have.
I\'m glad you and your daughter have found a helpful support group. They can be draining ~ I don\'t think any of us ever realized (1) how many people are affected by untimely deaths of children and other family members and (2) how unbelievably draining grieving is ~ it IS work ~ hard work!
I smiled when I read that the first thing you\'re going to do is kick Lance\'s butt for what he\'s put you through! Spoken like a loving and true Dad!! Couldn\'t have said it better myself!
Belated birthday hugs to Lance and hoping that April is finding you doing a bit better ~ Debbie