44th birthday

It has been 18 months since I lost my son to suicide and today would have been his 44th birthday.  I haven't written for a while but I just had to today.  I miss him so much and although it has been 18 months things, at times, seem so fresh.  My daughter and I have been going to a support group for the last six weeks and it does help some, this is the third time I have done this, but after we meet I am so tired the next day, maybe I am just getting old, but it does take so much out of me.  It is such a shame to see all the sorry at the group and to know other people are doing through the same thing we are.                                                                            I am alot better than I was 18 months ago but there are still times it hurts so much to think he has left us and his wife and two children.  I am so happy for my religion and to know that the time will come when I see him again and the first thing I want to do is kick his butt for all he has put us though.     We are tending his two children over the week-end and they are both such sweethearts.  He has really missed watching his two children grow up.