I feel so stressed out right now! I can't can't a handle on my feelings. I am constantly aggravated and nervous. I'm sure it's not fun to be around me right now. I hate my situation! Why me? Why the f*** me? Why did I have to have a child with sensory Intergration Disorder? What the f*** did I do to deserve this hardship! And why is my husband so f***ing clueless it should be in a text book "HUSBAND CLUELESS AND SID, A NOVEL" LOL!!! That is funny and ridiculous at the same time. Anyway that's how I'm feeling. And feelings aren't facts right? So where do I go with this? who has the answers? Are there any? Is this my calling? I don't think I'm cut out for this! I know God gives us only what we can handle,...but sheesh I wish he didn't have such a high opinion of me! My son is off the charts. His face is chapped! He's completely defiant. He hasn't had a lick of therapy since he got sick. Today was the first day I was able to do the theraputic listening. I'm the only one that does it....the only one! I'm sick of it. I don't want to do it anymore! I don't and I feel sooooo guilty all the time. I do not have a good relationship with my son right now. It's totally strained and he is pushing every button he can find on me. And I'm allowing it. Why? Because I'm defenseless right now. I am a raw nerve as if someone pulled back my skin and muscle to reveal nerve and bone (sorry for the graphic) but that's how I feel. And on top of it all I gained 9 pounds since Xmas! I feel like a failure and a cow. But anyway, Sunday is coming and I have to go to a child's Bday Party. Kill me now!

Nuff said...hopefully tomorrow will get better. It can't get any worse!!! Can it???