anxiety

Well this is the first time I have used this journal but Im just very nervous so Im hoping getting some of my thoughts typed out will help me deal with them. My surgery for my scoliosis is a week from today, and I was ok until last night, but now I'm starting to freak out. I couldn't sleep last night, and my stomach has been a mess all morning :(. I know that I cant cancel this surgery because if I don't get it done now them I'm going to have to do it at some point when I get older, and it might be harder for me to recover from. I'm such a pessimist, so I am constantly thinking about all the bad things that can happen with this surgery. I have such a fear of being put to sleep and not waking up or waking up paralyzed. I'm very good at being dramatic, so I'm sure that's all I'm doing. I just don't want this surgery for my pain but also for my self esteem. My back has been like this for so long and I've been so embarrassed about the way I look. I really hope that this surgery will help change me from the inside out. Ive made a mess of my life the last few years with lots of stupid choices and I promised myself that 2014 will be a better year and I kind of feel like i'm using this surgery to jumpstart the new me. 7 days and counting.... :-/