Yuck!

Sunday, July 19, 2009 – 5:50 P.M. I was not feeling very well last week, so I did not write many journal entries. I did not have a physical illness, but more of a feeling of increasing depression. Sometimes I feel as though depression is more difficult to deal with than a physical illness.   My depression seems to run in cycles. I can feel good for three or four weeks in a row, then all of a sudden the depression hits -- whammy! It stays around for an indefinite period. I don't know what has caused this latest round, but I hope that I get through it quickly.   When I saw Dr. Martin last Wednesday, we discussed a number of things including the fact that I seem to have Agoraphobia. I have gotten to the point where I no longer enjoy going away from my home, and, in fact, I now feel as though I'm afraid to even leave here to begin with. I am all right as long as someone is with me, but when I am alone, it seems impossible for me to go anywhere.   Dr. Martin seems to feel that it has been aggravated by comments made to me by my brother during our recent family counseling sessions. I agree with her on that, but I do not think that he is entirely responsible for my Agoraphobia. Dr. Martin did not suggest how I should go about combating this. Maybe that will come up during our next session on Wednesday.   I'm going to the mental health clinic to see Dale tomorrow morning. I am not sure what we will be discussing, but I am sure that he has something in mind.   Most things have been going well with my CNA's last week. As they were preparing me for bed last night, one of them happened to mention having a client who just got a new service dog. She was all enthusiastic about that and seemed quite happy. I thought it might be a good time to mention the fact that my doctor wanted me to get one as well. That did not go over as well as I thought it would. The first comment I heard was, "Oh, you're going to get one so you can make more work for us." I tried telling them that I had not gotten one sooner because of the fact that I did not want to make additional work for them. I could not figure out why it was okay for this CNA's other client to get a service dog, but not for me to have one. Because of that, I let the entire subject drop, rather than to get into an argument.   I certainly hope this week goes better than last. If not, I may be doomed into having a long bout of depression. I need to figure out a way to start feeling better soon.   While trying to find a few laughs on the Internet, I came across the following short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k