Monday, May 26, 2008 -- 9:40 AM True Story Time   Hmmm. (I am not too sure I like this color of print, but what the heck, I'll give it a try.)   Now, before I get started here, I need to explain one or two things. If I seem a little erratic or goofy, there is a logical reason for that. It is because of my antidepressants. Simple, isn't it? Yep. I think so too.   Years ago, I started taking something called Wellbutrin. That was cool, and it really helped my depression. Then my mother got sick and she was put in the hospital. The doctors decided that they wanted to put her into a nursing home. It was up to me to sign all the papers, and I said "phooey" I was not about to do any such thing.   When I was at the hospital that night, I must admit, I was not in a very good frame of mind. Upon leaving, I sat in my van for a while, cried a bit (do not tell anybody I said that), and then went home. Once I got there, I opened up a kitchen drawer, pulled out a steak knife, made sure the blade was sharp, and then tried to cut my wrist. The cut was not very deep, or long, but it was just enough to make some blood start spurting out.   As I was sitting there with blood dripping from my wrist, my aide walked in the door and wanted to know what I was doing? Duh! (I should have told her filling an ink pen with red ink. She might have believed that.) I could not think of a lie fast enough, so I told her the truth -- I was testing my blood for diabetes. (That was a lie.) I do not know why, but she just did not believe that.   She took the slightly bloody knife from my hand, and then tied something around my right wrist to stop a trickle of blood. The next thing she did was to call one of her cousins to come help her with me.   The blood stopped dripping, and she put me to bed. When I got up the next morning, you would not believe what she had done. All the kitchen drawers had been emptied of knives or anything sharp. I wanted to know what the reason was for that, but when I asked her, she just looked at me as if I should already know the answer. Which, of course, I did.   Well, to make a long story short, I went to a hospital about 75 miles away, and stayed there for two weeks while they tried "shrinking" my head. I remember the first night I got there. I was asked if I had anything sharp with me. I nodded my head up and down, and said yes, I was sitting on a razor blade. You should have seen them jump! They ran over to me and began searching me. They pulled me up out of my wheelchair, and sure enough, right there out in the open on my cushion, was a razor blade. They acted as if I was going to kill someone or something. I always wondered why they had that idea.   I spent two weeks in that facility before they agreed to let me go home. Before they did that, they decided to put me on another antidepressant (along with the Wellbutrin) called Depakote. Now, that stuff was potent.   When I got home, everything pretty much seemed the same, including all the steak knives, which were still hidden. Now I cannot remember what happened to my mother. Before I left, her doctors had told me to take care of myself, and they would take care of my mother. Well, that sounded nice of them considering they were doctors and all.   I never did like taking medicine. Since my aide was still watching me like a hawk, I knew that I had to take every bit of medicine that had been prescribed for me. I took the Wellbutrin, and the Depakote, and then I had a strange reaction. All of a sudden, no matter what was happening around me, I started laughing. I kept laughing. Everything that took place, made me laugh, whether it was funny or not.   Now all that happened when I lived in the state of Virginia. My family lived out here in Denver, Colorado. When my sister heard what had happened, she got on a plane and flew to Virginia. The first night she got there, one of my neighbors came over and ate dinner with us.   I decided I had better tell my sister that something goofy was happening. I tried to explain to her about this laughter thing that came on me for no reason that I knew about. She did not seem to believe me at first.   As we sat at the dinner table, and began eating, I started laughing at nothing. When I got on a roll, I stayed on a roll. My neighbor did not know what to think of me. In fact, he was so shocked that he dropped his fork and knife. He told my sister that he had "never" seen me like that. My sister had been drinking a small glass of wine. When she saw how much I was laughing, she quickly refilled her glass.   Even after all the years have passed, I still remember those days and nights. That was then, this is now. So, here I am writing this strange journal entry, and anyone who is reading this might be thinking what the heck is going on here? Hold on a few more minutes and you will see. Gosh, darn it. Sometimes you have to be a little bit patient. As they say, "Patience is a virtue."   After I got out here to this wonderful state of Colorado (cough, gag), I took my medications as I was supposed to do. Then I decided that I felt so good, I did not need them anymore, and, I quit taking them.   I was okay for a while. Then the depression set in again. I thought I would try something else. One day I would take the medications, a few days later I would stop them. That seemed to work for a few days, but then the depression hit again.   A few weeks ago, I decided to take the medicine, as I should. Nothing happened at first. As the days went by my depression lessened. I thought about quitting one or the other of the medications, but decided I would give them both a fair try this time around. They may be working because I am starting to feel good again. Actually, I am feeling better than good.   Some people around Daily Strength seem to think that I am acting a little strange from time to time. What is wrong with strange? There might even be a few people who think I am goofy. Hey! Goofy works for me too.    Before I get in trouble with those who run this place, let me say one or two things. First, I am not advocating the practice of cutting. That can get you into a lot of trouble, and I think anyone who is doing it should get some professional help us in as possible.   Second, if a doctor prescribes a medicine for you -- take it. Do not stop taking it just because you feel better all of a sudden. That is what the medicine is for -- to make you feel better. Third, in no way should you ever consider committing suicide. That is not cool. If you have that many problems, and are considering suicide as an option, either contact somebody for help, or get to your nearest hospital as soon as possible.   Fourth, if you start to feel somewhat goofy, welcome to the club. You are not alone.    Quotes for Success:   “The worst bankrupt in the world is the man who has lost his enthusiasm. Let a man lose everything else in the world but his enthusiasm and he will come through again to success.”   H.W. Arnold