Sunday, May 11, 10:15 AM   When I think about Mother's Day, I am filled with conflicting feelings of love and anger. The relationship I had with my own mother is difficult for me to talk about because of my ambivalent feelings toward her.   My mother could be loving and caring, providing nurturing and help. She could be kind at one moment, and abusive and cruel at the next. I vividly remember times when she would hold and hug me, sometimes even giving a kiss on the cheek. In the blink of an eye, there could be a strange shift in her mood, causing her to lash out with a slap on the lips or face.   When she died, I had a mixture of sadness and relief. No matter what anyone thinks, I truly loved her. Part of me still does to this very day. At the same time, I cannot forget days and nights filled with a blend of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse that came from her.   My brother, sister, and I lived in a home of seemingly constant turmoil. Both of them moved away from home after completing school. I was with my mother for nearly 50 years.   I am sure that my mother loved me, but in a peculiar way. She had a personality disorder, which we found out about shortly before her death. Even had we known about it sooner, I doubt that much could have been done for her since she was from a different generation that did not understand the need for counseling.   On this Mother's Day, I sincerely hope that each mother who has a child provides love and not abuse.   Quotes for Love:   “Life in abundance comes only through great love.”   Elbert Hubbard