Monday, April 14, 2008 -- 8:30 PM -- Update   This will be one of my rare nighttime entries. It looks as though tomorrow will be a long and tiresome day for me. I have to get some physical therapy in the morning. I still have pain in my legs, knees, hip, and back, so until I see my orthopedic surgeon on Thursday, I will continue taking pain medicine and seeing my physical therapist.   When I got up this morning, the world seemed bright and sunny, and I felt as though I was starting a new and better life. As the day wore on, the earlier brightness became tarnished until my good mood took another one of those frequent nosedives.   The world does not look like such a good place to be tonight. I do not like myself, or the role I have in life. I feel as though I am slowly wasting away, waiting for the inevitable end of my life.   I have been seeing a psychologist recently. She is helping me work through the sexual abuse I received at different times in my life. This therapy is very intense, and I often feel the desire to put it to an end just as I would do to myself.   My mind keeps envisioning the demons of my past. I feel them surrounding me to the point where it is all that I can do to breathe.   I cannot help but think of all the vicious and perverted things that were done to me. The inner scars that will be with me forever ache almost continuously. I am filled with pain that will never go away. My life no longer seems worth living.