Yesterday afternoon I saw my psychologist.  We spent almost the entire hour talking about the sexual abuse that I had as a child.  I was not happy with the discussion, but she said we had to start on that topic sooner or later.  I was extremely uncomfortable for the whole time that I was there, and there were a few moments when I felt as though I was going to break down and cry.   She said that I had taken a "big step" by talking with her about the abuse, adding that she needed time to process it.  She also said that she was sure there was more that I had not told her since we ran out of time.   I was happy to leave her office, and wanted to run away from there as fast as I could.  Even though she told me that there was no need for me to feel guilt, shame, or embarrassment, I could not help feeling that then, and I still feel that way today. She wanted to know if I told anyone else about the sexual abuse.  I said the only ones who I told were the friends I have made here.  She said she was glad that I could trust these friends.   This afternoon I went to see my physical therapist again.  After I had gone to bed last night, I started feeling lots of pain in both legs.  I also felt as though someone was stabbing me in my ankles with a knife.  The pain continued throughout most of the night, and the first thing I did when my CNAs came this morning was to take some medicine for it.   When I saw her today, my physical therapist worked on my left leg quite a bit.  She said it was becoming looser and more flexible when it bent.  That was the good news.  On the down side, my left foot has become much worse.  The bottom of it looks to be bruised (but is not), and some of the veins can be seen very easily.  There is also a section that is very red.  She brought over a very large mirror and placed in front of me, so that I could see my foot for myself.  When I saw it, I almost freaked out!    She took some type of sponge-like material, cut a hole in it, and placed it between my foot and the sock so that there will not be any pressure on that part of my foot.  If it looks worse by next Tuesday, my physical therapist is going to call my orthopedic surgeon, one of the people who made the initial fitting of my wheelchair, or someone who repairs orthopedic shoes.  She wants to see if one of them can come to the clinic on a day when I am there, so that they can see what is happening with my foot and make suggestions as to what can be done about it.  In the meantime, I am just going to have to put up with the pain by taking some pain medicine.   Yesterday afternoon I called the therapist from the mental health clinic who said that he would be working with me.  He was not in, but I did leave a message for him saying that I called.  Since I intended to be here most of this morning, I called and left a voicemail for him to that effect, and told him the days and times that I would be able to see him every week.  It seems as though we are playing a game of phone tag.  I am having trouble making contact with him, and I am not quite sure what to do about it.   I had some aggravating problems with my computer last night.  If I left it standing idle for fifteen minutes or more, everything on the desktop just plain disappeared except for the desktop itself.  I tried rebooting it several times, but that did not fix it.  I finally solved the problem by removing some of the new programs that I had downloaded during the week.   Quotes for Goals:   “There is no achievement without goals.”   Robert J. McKaine