Friday, February 29, 2008

I am extremely disturbed, upset, and depressed this weekend, so if you do not see me on here very much that is the reason why.  The unexpected news that my niece and her family may be moving to Iowa has really thrown me for a loss.  I had thought they would be staying in the Denver area (which may still happen).   Although no formal decision has yet been made (at least not as far as I know), the mere thought of them moving away has brought forth almost unbearable pain for me.  This is causing me unpleasant memories of when we all lived in Virginia, and my sister, her husband, and their children had to move to Denver, leaving my parents and me behind.  In some ways, I now have a sense of déjà vu.   I do not want them to move away.  My feelings are those of selfishness -- I readily, yet not proudly, admit that.  I feel as though I am about to be abandoned again.  It has happened time after time throughout my life.  In the past, as in the present, it has not been done with animosity, but out of need.   With the exception of my niece and her family, my relationship with my family has been shaky at best.  I do not know if I can stand a loss of this magnitude.  I feel this will be a major setback for me, and I am not sure that I can endure a life of loneliness, and one without close friends and family.   Quotes for Survival:   “A man, as a general rule, owes very little to what he is born with – a man is what he makes himself.”  – Alexander Graham Bell