10:50 AM – M.S.T.    Thursday afternoon I went to see my psychologist.  I had not seen her since before Christmas.  This week I decided I needed some help from her after I had received an e-mail from my brother telling me about his being charged with DUI, and that it was a second offense.  Apparently, he has been an alcoholic for more than 20 years without telling anyone else in the family -- at least this part of the family.   After learning of his alcoholism, I had told my sister that I was extremely angry with him.  She said that her friend (Warren) told her that I needed to be "bigger" than my brother was.  I don't know about being bigger, but I sure was angry.  My sister tried to tell me not to be angry, but that was kind of strange because she seemed to be angrier than I was.   About a year ago, my brother had been complaining to me about our family always keeping secrets from one another.  When I told my psychologist about this, I thought she would flip.  She said that hearing that from my brother was like "the pot calling the kettle black." She also said that I had every right to have feelings of anger toward my brother.    Before I left, she said that I was handling everything properly, which made me feel very good.  She also said that she wanted my permission to ask Medicaid to let her see me for longer sessions each time.  Since some of what we are dealing with is traumatic, she feels that I need the additional help that this would allow her to give me.  I agreed with her request.   I told her that several months ago my brother had told me that if I wanted him to see my psychologist with me, he would be glad to do that.  I said that I turned his offer down at that time.  My psychologist told me this week that if he ever made that offer again she wants me to take him up on it.  She added that the same thing went with regard to my sister.   Yesterday I went to see an optometrist.  My eyes had not been examined for about nine years, which is about six to seven years too long.  My right eye has always been bad with very limited sight in it.  I can see things, but cannot do much of any reading with it.  The doctor told me that I have cataracts in both eyes, but I do not need a change in glasses at this time.  (I am not sure that I agree with him on that.)  He said that as long as my left eye does not bother me, he sees no reason to have the cataracts removed.  At such time that the left eye is bothered, he said he will remove both cataracts at the same time.  Following that, he said that I would be able to do without glasses except when I need to read.   I also saw my regular doctor yesterday.  He took hold of my left knee, pulled on it, and asked if it hurt (as I silently screamed).  I said yes, and told him it had been hurting almost constantly since December 16 when it had been badly injured.    He referred me to an orthopedic surgeon who will do an evaluation on me before prescribing some type of physical therapy.  He said he thought that I might need to have an MRI, which did not make me too thrilled.  My doctor has wanted me to have them before, but I have always refused due to fear.  I had heard that they were extremely loud, and since I have always had a hearing problem, this has usually sent me into a panic attack.  I don't know what I will do if they recommend it again.   My doctor seemed to feel that I was doing pretty well on an overall basis.  I do not have to go back to see him for two months.  It has probably been close to a year since I've gone that long without seeing my doctor from one visit to another.  Normally I see him on a month-to-month basis.  I guess he feels some progress is being made despite my insecurities.   I also ran into my social worker before leaving the doctor's office.  (It was a busy day for me.)  She had seen me sitting in the waiting room and wanted to see how things were going -- primarily my home health care.  I said that I was almost completely satisfied with the care I was receiving.  She seemed very happy about that, and said that if I needed additional help of any kind, to be sure and let her know.  (Which means asking for help -- again.)   Last night a new CNA started working with me.  I don't know what happened to the one before her, but I assume she either quit or got fired from her job.  It is too soon to decide whether I will like this one or not.  She has been a CNA for 13 years, and seems accustomed to giving orders and getting her way.  If she expects to continue doing that around me, she won't be here very long, because I will not put up with it.   If nothing else, the initial problems I had with this home health care agency have helped me to become stronger and not take much crap from anyone.  Some people might not think this is good, but I disagree.  Any positive thing that helps me become a better, stronger, and more assertive person is good for me.  (This is a change for me.)   I need to talk to my sister this weekend, and ask her to do a few things for me next week.  If she is in a good mood, she is likely to agree.  I need her to do three things: pick up a new foot pedal for my wheelchair, cash a check, and get a prescription filled for me.  I don't like asking her, because sometimes she makes a big deal out of small things.  Then when she has done whatever I have needed, she always says not to worry because it's nothing.  First, it is something, and then it's not.  I'll put up with it again, since I don't have much of a choice.   Quotes for Happiness:   “If men would consider not so much wherein they differ, as wherein they agree, there would be far less of uncharitableness and angry feeling in the world.”   Joseph Addison