9:38 AM I have been working on a project during the last few weeks at the request of my psychologist. She has asked me to give her a copy of all the journal entries I have made since I first became a member of Daily Strength. There was no reason not to give her this information, so I have been doing some a day at a time. It is turning out to be a much longer process than I originally thought it would be since I have to copy and paste everything. Part of my problem with doing this project has been that I have had to read everything I wrote all those months ago. I have found a lot of it to be very depressing. I will never know how I could have written so much junk. My writing has improved during the period, but it is the content that has been bothering me. I do not know how I could have written so much personal information and just opened it up to everyone. What is done is done, and it is too late to go back and change everything. Other than continuing to work on this project, I do not really have anything to do today. That might be just as well since I am not feeling as good as I could. My left leg, which was injured just before Christmas, has begun hurting me a lot again. Although I have medication for the pain, I do not want this to go on forever. If I remember correctly, I think that I am seeing my doctor on February 8. Maybe he will come up with some new type of treatment by then. I know he would like me to get some physical therapy at one of the hospitals, but I have not yet located one that will accept Medicare and Medicaid. The responsibility of locating one is up to me. I have begun to go somewhat stir-crazy sitting around the apartment during all of this cold weather and snow. I feel a need to get out and do something pleasurable. My sister and I have talked about trying to get together one day next week and going to one of the shopping centers together. I think she intends to try and talk me into getting a cell phone again. I am trying to put getting a cell phone off until spring, at which time I will be able to get out more often. I will have more of a need for one at that time. Quotes of Happiness: “There is only one success - to spend your life in your own way.” - Christopher Morley
Replies
Ummmm... I thought revealing things and talking them out and finding good suggestions and maybe even kindred spirits was the point. You have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of. Quit making your past your total self worth. You have a college degree. You care about people. If you take away the rest of your past, those are still left and they are there in goodly amounts. Big, huge amounts. The reason you were born was not to be abused. Your reason was taken away from you, and it was out of your control since it started so early. So, take away your past, and see so much opportunity to just start new things. Frankly, if a \'normal\' person did that, at your age, they\'d be considered eccentric and a bit looney by some (not me however). You on the other hand would be encouraged and thought wonderful. And, you do have a wonderful side. Nurture that. And if you don\'t know how, you\'ll learn. Allow yourself to be a kid again, the right way. I\'ll bring the streamers and balloons, you bring the toot horns...
Weeble hugs and Mojo.
*Sigh* If only it was that easy. :( Don\'t you know by now, that\'s too simplistic for me? Believe me, I could tell you more negative things about myself than you can count squirrels, but I won\'t go into that self dep mode tonight.
Just stopped in to say Hello Hang in there hugs-Stephanie
It doesn\'t matter how many negative things there are. Take them ALL away, and you still have good stuff left!!! Don\'t allow the negatives of the past to cancel out the positives of NOW! It really doesn\'t work that way, what you have done NOW does count, and anyone that tells you different will have to answer to ME.
Or I keep my next cake or pie all to myself! ;o)
Not fair! You kept your last cake or pie all to yourself -- I did not get any of it! ;0(